The B.A.N.G. Gang — act 3: scene 6
"Look here, guys, I can definitely feel something metallic! We’re gonna be rich. Here it comes!"
ARON, a slow-moving fellow who likes to take life easy
BORUCH, trying to cope with a big sister who always knows better
NOSSON, clever and articulate, often talks in italics to make a point
GERSHON, creative and quick to think of new ideas
The B.A.N.G. Gang is in the park with their metal detector, hoping to find buried treasure, when Gershon suddenly stops short in dismay.
BORUCH: What’s up?
GERSHON: The detector is supposed to beep when it detects metal — but I just realized it doesn’t have batteries.
ARON: [shrugging] Let’s give up and go home. There’s a giant bag of potato chips there calling my name…
NOSSON: Give up? Go home? We’re the B.A.N.G. Gang! We do not “give up”!
GERSHON: [approvingly] That’s the spirit! But where will we get batteries from?
BORUCH: One of us can run home. It’s not that far.
ARON: Count me out. I’m not running anywhere.
NOSSON: I’ll go, no problem. See ya, guys!
[He runs off. Aron parks himself on a bench and drifts off to sleep.]
GERSHON: Let’s do a practice run, without batteries, just to get a feel for it.
BORUCH: Yeah, good idea.
[Gershon swings the detector over the ground. Suddenly, there is a loud bellow. Gershon and Boruch look up and freeze. A big, burly park ranger is advancing on them threateningly.]
[Enter] PARK RANGER: What are you boys up to?
GERSHON: [nervously] Um — nothing. We just wanted to do some metal detecting.
PARK RANGER: Oho! Not in this particular park, you don’t! It’s strictly prohibited!
BORUCH: Sorry, we had no idea.
GERSHON: Yeah, we didn’t see any signs or anything.
BORUCH: [in a conciliatory tone] We’ll definitely go elsewhere now that we know. Um — can you suggest where?
PARK RANGER: [looking slightly mollified] Over there, behind the tennis courts, there’s a patch of wasteland you can use. [He glares at the boys.] Make sure you leave it the way you found it. Any holes you dig gotta be filled in. Got it?
GERSHON and BORUCH: Got it!
[Gershon trudges over to the wasteland with the device, while Boruch waits for Nosson. Nosson arrives, puffing and panting.]
BORUCH: Listen, the park ranger made us move. [Points] We’ve gotta go down there.
ARON: [waking up with a jerk] Wha — hey, where’re you going?
BORUCH: Come along, we’ll tell you on the way.
[The boys arrive at the wasteland, and Gershon inserts the batteries. He starts sweeping the detector over the ground, listening intently. Not a peep.]
NOSSON: You sure it’s working properly? Let’s test it with a coin.
[Nosson drops a coin on the ground and Gershon swings the detector over it. There is no response. Gershon brings the device closer. Only when it’s almost touching the coin is there a faint beep.]
NOSSON: Something’s wrong. I said we should’ve read the instructions. Gimme the booklet… Aha! Got it! The sensitivity level needs adjusting.
[A few minutes later, Gershon resumes detecting.]
[BEEP! BEEP!]
NOSSON: [rushing forward] Okay, time to dig. I need a stick — here we go!
[A few seconds later there’s another BEEEEEP! Boruch grabs a sharp stone and starts digging for all he’s worth. He holds up his find with a flourish. It’s an old, bent, metal screw.]
NOSSON: Look here, guys, I can definitely feel something metallic! We’re gonna be rich. Here it comes!
[He reaches down and holds up his find with a flourish: nothing but an empty can. There is a collective groan.
Unfortunately, there is no more metal to be found. The B.A.N.G. Gang troops home disconsolately. They pass by Gershon’s house where his big sister is waiting outside.]
BIG SISTER: [with unaccustomed enthusiasm]Oh, there you are, Gershon! Mommy told me you’ve all become detectorists. I lost an earring in the front yard, and I can’t find it. Can you try and trace it with your detector?
GERSHON: I guess so.
[BEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
BIG SISTER: Hurray! My earring! You just did a huge mitzvah. You kids are the best!
[She runs inside to call her five BFFs. The B.A.N.G. Gang look at each other and shrug.]
NOSSON: Well, it does say in Mishlei a good name’s more desirable than great riches…
GERSHON: Exactly. We’ve struck gold — spiritually!
[The boys break into a rousing rendition of “Tov Li Toras Picha”…]
End of Act 3
(Originally featured in Mishpacha Jr., Issue 824)
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