The B.A.N.G. Gang — ACT 3: SCENE 4
"What if she follows us all the way up? You don’t know what she’s like. The woman’s dangerous— aaaaaaaaaaaah!"
ARON, a slow-moving fellow who likes to take life easy
BORUCH, trying to cope with a big sister who always knows better
NOSSON, clever and articulate, often talks in italics to make a point
GERSHON, creative and quick to think of new ideas
The B.A.N.G. Gang’s boating expedition ended with them falling into the pond and coming home drenched. They are reliving the experience on the phone.
GERSHON: Wow, that was some adventure last week!
BORUCH: Adventure? I had to sneak into the house through a back window so my big sister wouldn’t see my dripping clothes — otherwise I’d never have heard the end of it.
NOSSON: Well, when I came home, my kid sister wanted to know why I’d gone swimming with my clothes on.
ARON: Ha! You guys got off lightly. When I walked through the hallway, a few measly drops of water dripped onto the floor, and our cleaning lady nearly clobbered me.
[The other boys make sympathetic noises]
ARON: [seizing the opportunity]: All of which makes me think we should stop doing trips. I vote we spend our next outing going no further than the nearest comfortable couch. Aah! Bliss!
NOSSON: But what’s the point? We’re the B.A.N.G. Gang. We do stuff!
ARON: Relaxing on the couch is doing stuff.
GERSHON: Not that sort of stuff. It’s vacation time, we wanna be out there, exploring the big wide world!
BORUCH: Yeah, I’ll second that.
NOSSON: I’ll grant you some of our outings were a bit — um, hair-raising. Let’s look for something fail-safe this time.
BORUCH: I heard my sister talking the other day about this place not too far off, called Highview Hill. Panoramic view from the top, but steep climb to get there. Perfectly safe, don’t worry. Just hard work.
GERSHON: I like the sound of it. You in, guys?
NOSSON and BORUCH: Yeah!
ARON: Well — I dunno — I guess if you’re all going…
[The next day, Aron packs abundant refreshments for the trip. To sustain himself in the meantime, he munches on some crackers on his way out of the house. Unknowingly, he sheds a few crumbs. Suddenly, there is a bloodcurdling yell.]
[Enter the cleaning lady]: Again, you ruin my nice clean floor! You scram!
[Aron grabs his backpack and flees. He arrives at the meeting point flushed and sweating.]
ARON: Guys, let’s take a break. Like, for the next 24 hours or so.
GERSHON: A break? We haven’t even started yet!
ARON: Yeah, but you don’t know what I had to go through to get here.
NOSSON: Well, we’ll wait a few minutes for you to recover.
BORUCH: Yeah. And then we’d better get moving.
[As the boys rest, an elderly but sprightly couple appears behind them.]
GERSHON: Come on, guys. If they can do it, we can.
[The boys march forth on the trail, which twists and turns. Suddenly Aron stops short, turning pale.]
ARON: D’you hear that?
BORUCH: What?
ARON: I distinctly heard someone say sumashsedshly. It’s Russian for “meshugenne.” [He looks around nervously] I tell you, she must’ve come after me! Let’s go!
[Aron runs up the path. The others follow him. Finally, they arrive at the summit — but nobody has eyes for the glorious view; they are too out of breath.]
ARON: [huffing and puffing] Whew! What if she follows us all the way up? You don’t know what she’s like. The woman’s dangerous— aaaaaaaaaaaah!
[Aron dives down behind a rock. The others can hear Russian being spoken, but there is nobody in sight, except for the sweet elderly couple emerging behind them. The couple reach the summit and — to the boys’ great surprise— start talking to each other in Russian!]
NOSSON: No way, it must’ve been them all the time. Poor Aron!
GERSHON: Come out, Aron! It’s safe!
ARON: [peering out] Where is she?
BORUCH: Nowhere on Highview Hill, that’s for sure. It was someone else speaking Russian!
[Aron emerges, relief written all over his face.]
NOSSON: Look at this view, guys. It’s glorious!
[The boys sit down on some flat rocks. Aron, using his backpack as a cushion, leans back.]
GERSHON: Hey Aron, this sure beats a couch, doesn’t it? [There’s no answer] Huh? Aron?
ARON: Zzzzzz.
to be continued…
(Originally featured in Mishpacha Jr., Issue 822)
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