I offer them my most reassuring beam and turn to the shopper next to me.

“Sweetie, I know you didn’t ask what I think. I know you don’t even know me. But I sense that you want advice. Yes?”

She turns to me, all ears. She is grateful to have a free personal shopping advisor. And not just any free personal advisor. My kids coined the term “Mommy Shopper who dispenses Mommy Advice” just for me.

It is important to stop and note that I don’t offer unsolicited Mommy Advice to everyone. If someone looks like she can make her own decisions, I leave her be. But if I see that look on someone’s face that tells me she’s uncertain, I offer up my opinion.

“I do think this skirt is nice on you, but honestly, the black one with the pink rope belt that you tried on before the A-line skirt was more flattering. Or you can try the beige one on this rack here. Trust me, you look terrific in everything you try on, but the black and pink was a winner. And you got it from the thirty-percent-off rack, right?”

Baruch Hashem, I’m fluent in Mommy phrasing. Here are a few of my favorites:

“I just don’t want you to go home and regret paying a hundred dollars for a skirt you aren’t gaga about.” (“Gaga” was a common term in the 1990s but it still works in this context.)

“We regret the things we don’t do more than things we actually do. Mark Twain said it first but I’m saying it now, sheifeleh.”

When I am done giving over my wisdom, I step back and wait for it.

It’s here that she hugs me, thanks me profusely, and skips off to buy the black and pink or the beige. I gather up my own kids, their chosen outfits, and head off to pay. My work here is done.

Okay, fine, I exaggerate a tad.

Just to be funny, you know. But it’s an exaggeration based on truth. I am the type to offer tactfully worded, unsolicited advice to young ladies shopping alone, caught in the throes of indecision. I have only mostly been met with gratitude. And why not? I am a warm, friendly person who exudes charm. My advice comes across as tender and helpful, the perfect Mommy balance, mildly concerned but never overly critical. Just ask my kids. (But, um, not the teens.)

The truth is, few women want to make their own decisions about a clothing purchase. This is why many women shop with friends or sisters. Someone else’s opinion takes the pressure off, so you don’t have to decide all by your little old clueless self if that menswear pinstriped blazer with football-player shoulder pads is in style or some designer’s idea of a prank. There’s no shame in admitting that we all need a common-sense Mommy-type in the dressing room.

Now, I’m the first to admit that you might want to take my unsolicited advice with a grain of salt. After all, I’m a stranger. To this I say, trust your instincts. And your instincts are telling you to trust me. (Especially with regard to that gray sack dress. Ziskeit, listen. It doesn’t do anything for you.)

There are personal shoppers out there who charge $75 an hour and that’s their right. And then there’s me, offering my advice absolutely free of charge. It’s a chesed I provide to my community, and I’m proud of it.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 950)