I am alone in my apartment battling very aggressive stage-four cancer. Multiple tumors are rapidly growing throughout my body and I have exhausted all treatment both conventional and nonconventional with no significant results. My each breath my every movement is filled with pain.

I should feel alone depressed and frightened — yet surprisingly — I don’t. Amazingly I feel more beloved and secure than I ever have before. I have tried numerous times to understand why I feel this way; it doesn’t make sense even to me. However since the onslaught of my cancer I feel that I have a “Partner” Who loves me and Who is ever-present in my life.

A newlywed couple shares expressions of caring for one another with a flower across the breakfast plate or a little gift thrown in the tallis bag … but cancer? Could I really view cancer as an expression of my Partner’s love? Unbelievably I could.

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