Not too angry and not too sad. Not too arrogant and not too meek. The Torah teaches us to balance our feelings and treat others with equanimity. Only then can we be called truly wise
In Pirkei Avos we find a question posed by Rabi Yehudah Hanasi: “What is the upright way that man should choose for himself?” And the answer: “Whatever is harmonious for the one who does it and creates harmony with his fellow man” (Avos 2:1).
The commentators ask how could Rebbi say this? Is the choice of the proper path in life left to man? Surely Rebbi didn’t subscribe to the popular falsehood that “every person has his own truth” which offers every individual the option of adopting rules of morality to suit himself and his desires. Obviously not; Rabi Yehudah Hanasi was a shining exemplar of living by the one and only truth the only correct way — the way of the Torah. Would he even entertain the thought of an alternative? What then did Rebbi mean by raising a question about which path a man should choose?
Here is how the Rambam understood the mishnah: “It becomes clear that the upright way refers to good acts which means the median measures for through them a person may acquire worthy attributes and his conduct will be good with people and this is the meaning of ‘harmonious for the one who does it and creates harmony with his fellow man.’ ”
That is to say in the Rambam’s view — and the other great commentators concur — this mishnah encapsulates the philosophy of the Golden Mean the proper mode of behavior to strive for in order to attain happiness. The Rambam elaborates on the concept of the Golden Mean in his Mishneh Torah as follows:
“The human psyche varies very much from one person to another and one person’s character is far removed from another’s. Some people are highly prone to anger; others are calm and perhaps get mildly angry once in many years. Some people are very arrogant; others are very meek. Some are dominated by strong cravings they are always seeking to satisfy; others are very pure of heart and do not crave even their physical necessities. Some are greedy and won’t be satisfied with all the wealth in the world; others deprive themselves; and still others squander all their wealth deliberately. And so it goes with all the other traits of character” (Hilchos Dei’os 1:1).
The Rambam is showing us a map of the human psyche and it hasn’t changed a bit since his times. For better or worse every one of us partakes of these traits in varying degrees and combinations. The Rambam then goes on to describe the proper way that a person is obligated to choose for himself: “The proper path is the median measure in each trait; that is the way that is equidistant from the two extremes. Accordingly the early Sages directed that a person always aim for the middle way in order to attain perfection. How? He should not be an angry person whose temper is easily triggered nor should he be like a dead man who feels nothing but in the middle. He should not get angry except over an important matter that is worth getting angry about so that such a thing should not occur again…. Any person whose traits are at the midpoint is called wise.” (ibid. 2-4)
This middle way in the Rambam’s view is the “upright path” that Rebbi speaks of in Pirkei Avos the way that is harmonious for the person himself and creates harmony with others. Others will surely admire his well-moderated conduct based on inner balance between his various personality traits. Surely they will consider one who acts so wisely to be the perfect man. Yes the Torah is the one and only way for a person who wants to achieve perfection of character. But a person is given great freedom of action and a broad field within which he must find his own personal Golden Mean. According to his own individual tendencies he must strive for balance always directing his conduct toward the middle moderate way. Thus in the Rambam’s view our mishnah implies condemnation of extremism in personal and social behavior while of course upholding the obligation to adhere to Torah principles.

So now we understand the theoretical peirush of the mishnah. A mode of conduct that strikes a moderate note is the wise and upright way that a person should strive for. But one problem has not yet been addressed namely how is a person to apply this principle of the Golden Mean in real life?
To illustrate the problem let’s take one of the examples used by the Rambam himself. A person should not get angry except in very rare instances. We all know that anger is a bad trait including those of us who are subject to it. At the same time however the Rambam instructs us not to be like dead people devoid of emotion. So to a certain extent one must use the trait of anger and become angry when the situation requires it for instance when one is in a parental role or when one is a community leader who needs to restrain dangerous tendencies that are developing in society. The Rambam is saying therefore that no trait is to be beaten down completely but rather each trait is to be used intelligently.
This is where the difficulty begins. How can a person know where to set the limits? We know how we operate. We’re on the road and a driver passes us recklessly at a crossing. Angry words pop out of our mouth automatically and we call him one of our favorite names. Is this the kind of situation the Rambam meant when he said that sometimes anger is the proper response? We don’t know. All we know is that our defense mechanism will kick in to rationalize our outburst. (“Did you see what that idiot did? He almost caused a serious accident!”) We’re sure we’re right of course but is this the upright middle way that Rabi Yehudah Hanasi teaches in Pirkei Avos?
Let’s be honest with ourselves. If we take a good look without distorting the truth we’ll see how we justify whatever we do. It’s part of human nature. Anyone who is accused of any shortcoming has an answer. Whatever we do we’re okay with it. This capacity for “being okay with it” comes from our ability to find justification for every act in the values accepted by society. And therefore any path we feel like taking becomes the “upright way.”

I think though that Rabi Yehudah’s words also contain an answer to this difficulty. How can a person truly discern whether the way he is acting is indeed the proper way explained so well by the Rambam? I think the answer is found in Rebbi’s words. A proper deed is “harmonious for the one who does it and creates harmony with his fellow man.”
A spontaneous reaction to a stimulus such as the insult to the reckless driver is not “harmonious for the one who does it.” This is clear from the fact that afterward he seeks justification for his coarse little outburst something to hide behind a rational explanation for having “lost it ” in order to quiet his troubled conscience and get on with business as usual. But these defense tactics serve only to blind the person himself; they don’t fool the onlookers.
And this is why Rebbi puts each act through two tests to determine if it is truly right. First the doer must feel at peace with the deed without needing to rationalize it. It must be “harmonious for the one who does it.” And second if he is not quite sure that he acted properly let him see how a neutral observer views it. If the deed also “created harmony with his fellow man ” then there is a good chance that he acted properly.
These are the parameters by which to judge our actions. We should pay attention to them if we wish to stay on the straight path all our lives. —
Food
for
Thought
How pitiable is a miser who lives in poverty in order to die rich.
(Rebbe Yechezkel of Shinova)