Staying on track is impossible unless a person knows where the track is. Indeed many people waste a lot of time going nowhere because they can’t find the track — the specific road that will lead them to their desired destination. Some people don’t even realize that they need to have a desired destination! Just hopping on any old train has a very small chance of getting you where you want to go. Think about it: where do you want to go? What track will lead you there?

Location: Pesach

Let’s say you find yourself in the midst of Pesach. All around is chaos: a house full of noisy hungry children long-lost relatives please-get-lost relatives other people strange foods reorganized counters odd schedules empty wallets days that roll into one another and more. What are you hoping to accomplish here? Where do you want to go? If you’re not even thinking about these questions chances are high that you’re not going anywhere worthwhile.

Some people feeling stressed and overwhelmed are simply waiting to go home — whether that is physically or metaphorically. They want to go back where they came from: to a place that is quieter saner more familiar and more comfortable. They want Pesach to be over. Others want to move through Pesach to reach a higher plane. They want to progress to move along their spiritual trajectory.

Naturally these two different directions necessitate two different tracks. The want-to-go-home group will be looking for the road backward — a track to take them back from where they came. The want-to-move-ahead group will be looking for a road that takes them farther along the road they are traveling.

The Road Forward

Since we all know where we’ve been there is no point in describing that location. But what does the road ahead look like? Where can one go from Pesach? There are actually many possible roads forward. The important thing is to choose one in order to maximize the opportunity of the festival. Here is a small selection of possible roads one might travel:

• The road to greater acceptance. This road takes a person to a happier more relaxed more compassionate place than she is used to being in. The road has appeal for someone who is very particular who needs things her own way and who tends not to like the way relatives and others do things. A person who takes this road can watch the goings on around her with interest and curiosity. She can encourage herself to make peace with differences as she focuses on the thought: “different strokes for different folks.”
• The road to greater shalom bayis. This road leads to higher levels of marital harmony. The road has appeal for someone who disintegrates under stress tending to become irritable snappy and unpleasant. A person who takes this road makes a conscious effort to monitor her stress levels and address them every day of the holiday. She watches her own behavior and rates it giving herself a daily score for maintaining calmness and kindness under pressure. She focuses on the bigger picture insisting that her family has a right to fond holiday memories. She commits to keeping cool no matter what focusing on the thought “The crazier it gets the calmer I get.”
• The road to mental health. This road takes one away from dysfunctional relationships into a land of healthy interactions. The road has appeal for someone who has played an active part in a dysfunctional family system — taking on the role of passive victim explosive tyrant sulking child angry child — or any other less-than-healthy role. A person who takes this road maintains her current adult level of functioning no matter how anyone else behaves during family visits. She aims to change her role in the family and improve her own communication skills. She rates herself daily using a special score sheet for particularly provocative family members maintaining her focus on the thought “No one can make me behave in unhealthy ways.”
• The road to peace of mind. This is the road to faith and trust in Hashem. As each event unfolds over the course of the festival travelers along this road see Hashem’s guiding hand. The road has particular appeal to one who feels stressed and overwhelmed during demanding times (i.e. most people). A person on this road allows herself to become a passenger rather than the driver. As she sits back comfortably trusting that the Driver knows the way she concentrates on the thought “Hashem arranges all events for my benefit.”

Where do you want to go this Pesach? Pick a road and follow it. Stay on track and rest assured you’ll get there in no time!