The only thing I thought I was good at was being lonely. And trust me, it’s not a good thing to be good at

Everyone always says that having friends is really important and I couldn’t agree more. You see, growing up, I had everything I needed, but there was one thing missing — friends.

I don’t know how it all began, but school was always really hard for me. When I was in kindergarten, I would sit alone on the side, while the other kids played together. I was scared to go over to them because I thought they wouldn’t want to play with me. I felt like I wasn’t good or cute enough for them to include me. Those thoughts made me feel worthless and I believed I wasn’t smart or talented at anything. The only thing I thought I was good at was being lonely. And trust me, it’s not a good thing to be good at.

Things did not get better. In fact, they only got worse. My classmates would say mean things to me. They told me that I smelled bad. They asked me inappropriate questions like, “Do you still wear a pamper?” (A pamper is a diaper). I was so embarrassed that I would just go to the bathroom to cry.

The girls also made fun of my shoes and clothing. They said they were funny. I was confused and didn’t know what made my shoes and clothing funny, but I’d ask my mother to buy me different clothing. I so badly wanted to do anything that would make them stop.