The woman was echoing a common theme.

“No one appreciates what I do for the family. My husband arrives home after 7 p.m. and expects to find a warm dinner. My kids eat quickly and ‘forget’ to even put their dishes in the sink. Does anyone have a proper appreciation of what I do for them?” She poured out her heart through her tears. “Rabbi when will they do something for me to show their recognition?”

I listened. I wondered what words of wisdom I could possibly offer that would give her comfort.

I noticed her husband that night at Maariv. I decided to approach him after davening and talk to him about his wife. However when Maariv was over I glanced over at his seat and noticed he was still davening. So first I answered the questions of those who’d gathered around my shtender. When everyone was gone I looked back over. He was still davening. I thought to myself “Maybe if he gave his wife as much attention as he gives his davening he’d have better shalom bayis.” And then I was upset with myself for my thoughts; I hadn’t even heard his side of the story and already I was judging him.

The next day a mother called me and remarked how when struggling to deal with her obstinate three-year-old refusing to put on his coat she felt herself “losing it.” As she was reaching her wits’ end she remembered it was Erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan. And she remembered the special tefillah the Shlah had composed for success in child rearing said especially on Erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan. She grabbed her siddur and began davening the tefillah. Suddenly her son became surprisingly cooperative and compliant. His coat was quickly on and he was ready to go to cheder. Later when he returned from cheder he told his mother “You were davening for me right Mommy? When I knew you were davening for me I knew I had to be a good boy!”

His statement showed that it had not been any mystical segulah that had transformed him from a contrary young man into an accommodating and agreeable child. Rather as he explained when he saw his mother davening and realized that the davening was just for him he knew how much he meant to her. And that gave him the push to shape up.

That day I called in the long-davening-husband.

I’d look for an opening to bring up his wife’s feelings.

“You were davening a long time the other night; is everything okay at home?”

He looked at me and said “Rabbi everything is fine. However I’ve noticed lately that my wife feels unappreciated. So I’ve been putting extra effort into my davening asking that she should feel how much I appreciate her.”

 “You mean your long davening is for your wife?”

“Yes I’m davening to Hashem that she should realize how much we appreciate her.”

“I must ask forgiveness” I said “but I figured your long davening was part of the problem. Now I see it’s part of the solution. I see you’re appreciative of your wife; however somehow she doesn’t see it. So besides taking the time to say thank-you and helping out around the house more make sure she knows that she alone is the focus of your tefillos. The realization that she is the focal point of your davening can make all the difference.

“How do you know this?” he asked me.

“I learned it from a Yiddishe Mama and her three-year-old Jewish boy. What better source in the world can there be?”