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ne of the more noteworthy articles in our Succos issue was a roundtable conducted by Binyamin Rose with three prominent panelists. In a candid conversation discussing the tests facing yeshivah graduates seeking a supportive peer group after joining the workforce, OU president Moishe Bane said, “The biggest challenge is overcoming a value system that messages that schmoozing is a bad thing…. In my neighborhood if Maariv is over at 10:13 by 10:14 the beis medrash is empty. If you go to Williamsburg and the 10:00 minyan is over at 10:13 the oilem is often there for another 45 minutes just schmoozing.”

As the president of the United States likes to say “So true.”

Look at old Jewish paintings: So often the heroes are a group of shtetl Jews standing between the rows of rickety homes simply schmoozing. There are generally a few older men some younger ones as well and then a child with wide eyes listening.

Where do you see that anymore?

Among chassidim in the shtibel there is some of it but in so many cases our conversation is digital. That’s not schmoozing. If you can’t see the other people — back off from the man who grabs your elbow every time he makes a point, notice the dexterity of the guy who’s making coffee with one hand since he’s grasping his tallis bag with the other, smile inwardly at the older fellow who nods knowingly along with each argument as if he was about to say the same thing — then it’s not a schmooze.

Rav Moshe Shapira would speak of the time when Jews had “curious eyes ” an era before superficial-information overload would give us all a slightly dazed glazed-over look.

I became a professional eavesdropper as a child listening to my grandfather — an all-star schmoozer — talking after davening but now we’ve already heard it all and no one is curious anymore.

It takes a shul to bring it back. Shuls are the new shtetl and rabbanim can create a feeling of warmth and camaraderie that draws people to hang around and talk — not specifically in learning but about stuff. Less important than the words are the connection and comfort they give.

It’s not hard to implement, it would be something like a Whatsapp chat, just with voices. And no administrator. And instead of videos and pictures you’d have to use your power of speech to share an experience or insight. I think it could catch on….

A chat needs an icon. Maybe it could be one of those old paintings in your grandparents’ house? The ones of our ancestors in the shtetl you know schmoozing?

Yisroel Besser may be contacted directly at besser@mishpacha.com

(Originally featured in Mishpacha Issue 688)