When in lockdown with our family, it’s even more essential than usual to conquer our irritability

T

hese days many people are experiencing chronic low mood for the first time. There are others who are old friends with low moods and/or depression, who are becoming reacquainted with these familiar companions. Either way, the impact of one’s mood on loved ones is more intense than ever; many folks are stuck in close quarters with unhappy relatives. Like the sufferer, they are the victims of disordered mood. Only that mood doesn’t belong to them.

“My father is easy to read. When business is good, he’s always in a great mood. He’s bubbly, generous, funny, and great to be around. But when business is bad he becomes irritable, snappy, and mean. Last year was a great year for the business, so my father was a happy man and a pleasure to be around.

“But then coronavirus hit. Now there’s yelling, arguing, crying, and door slamming. And it’s not coming from my three-year-old brother. It’s coming from my parents.”

Angry Moods

Depression isn’t always shown through tears and lethargy. It’s often displayed through irritability. People who are depressed are negative: Nothing is good, everything is bad, there’s no point in anything, there’s no hope for change.

Negativity is a close cousin of criticism and complaint. “What’s this mess?” “Why didn’t you take care of this bill?” “Why do I have to say everything ten times?” This drags others down, and soon the whole family is sulking.

“At first, Mom was all high-spirited. ‘Okay, guys, We’re going to make the best of this! Who wants to do a puzzle with me right now?’ As time went on, though, she became an army general, barking orders at everyone and getting increasingly frustrated.

“Our cleaning help wasn’t there. And none of us like housework much, including Mom. Mom was going on about everyone needing to be ‘responsible’ and chip in more. In any event, I think she’s completely depressed now. She yells at everyone a lot.”

Repairing Moods

Low moods often clear up on their own. One just has to wait it out. And this might be an okay strategy if one is living alone (although it has its risks), but it certainly isn’t fair if one lives with others —especially all day, every day!

Many of the buffers that once sheltered us from low moods are not there now. Most of us aren’t going to our busy and distracting workplaces. In many locations, shopping is more painful than fun right now. Forget going out for coffee with friends or indulging in other forms of self-care: The doors of our gyms and yoga studios are still locked, and even more disturbing, so are those of our places of spiritual solace.

We can’t even treat ourselves to an uplifting beauty treatment or work out our tension with a good massage. In fact, even a few minutes of privacy still eludes many of us. If so, what can we do under these circumstances to help repair our drastically dropping moods?

Actually, there are still plenty of options. And for our own sake, as well as the sake of our loved ones, we need to avail ourselves of them. Our brain chemistry responds to our interventions. First we do the interventions — while our mood is still low and we don’t feel like doing them — and then our mood lifts. We need to pick as many of these as we can in order to facilitate a quicker healing:

A daily walk around the block, and/or a daily indoor workout session.

Two ten-to-twenty-minute periods a day to focus on emotional release using any technique such as journaling, focusing or meditating, speaking to someone or to Hashem, using EFT or some other tool.

Write down three things that went well each day and/or write down ten new things a day you’re grateful for.

Do an activity that you enjoy just because you like it.

Use natural mood remedies such as mood-lifting herbs, nutritional supplements, or essential oils. If possible, consult a naturopath for assistance.

Talk to, text, or otherwise connect with someone outside the family.

Offer praise and appreciation to family members throughout the day.

If your mood refuses to improve, reach out to a professional for further assistance.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 697)