My Sari Elchanan’s mother said to me “We need you to be a happy bubby at the upsheren and im yirtzeh Hashem you’ll yet come to cut Elchanan’s hair. Please Mommy allow yourself to be happy.” And Dassy Yossi’s mother said to me “I spoke to Sari. It’s okay. There’s room for the pain and there’s room for the happiness. Our hearts are big enough”

T

HE SIMCHAH: A Newborn Child

Orah’s Story:

My older sister Yael got married three years before me. But she was still davening for children when shortly after my wedding I found out I was expecting.

I tried to hide myself as much as possible during the pregnancy so as not to hurt my sister. For months I didn’t get together with Yael — even though we’d had such a close relationship just a short while before. I simply wasn’t able to look her in the face.

My parents also had difficulty being happy with our good news. My mother would say to me all the time “Daven for Yael that she should also be zocheh.” I’d feel my heart tighten as if I was guilty of snatching the birthright from my older sister; as if her pain would increase because of me. Every time I spoke to my mother on the phone instead of asking how I was we both remained silent as we thought about Yael’s great pain.

Just moments after giving birth to my firstborn Yehuda I was crying to my mother. “How will you tell Yael?” My mother just wiped away tears. She had become a grandmother for the first time but she was unable to feel the joy.

The morning after giving birth I was exhausted and dazed but I knew that I needed to call Yael and tell her that I’d given birth. Yael was silent for a few long minutes. My heart was racing my blood pressure plummeting. Then Yael finally spoke: “I don’t believe it! I had no idea you were even expecting! Wow. I'm shocked. Mazel tov Orah. I’m so happy for you.”

My sister visited me in the hospital and brought me a lovely and expensive gift. She picked up my son and kissed him and I suddenly felt so liberated. Why did I carry this secret for so long? How did I not remember how special my sister is? Once I knew Yael was happy for me I felt like I was finally “allowed” to be happy with this delightful baby and the one who followed him while Yael’s house remained empty.

Yael’s Story:

The truth? You’re taking me back to a difficult time. My husband and I waited eight very painful years for our first and miraculous child. But those years weren’t only difficult. The suffering opened chambers in our hearts we didn’t know were there. Our marriage became much stronger and our anguish uncovered new depths within us.