I put my life on public view to help launch my singing career — and paid a price for it

As Told to Rivka Streicher by Dobby Baum

“I know all about you.”

It’s spring 2024 and I’m in the supermarket, shopping with my kids, trying to maneuver down the aisles. My kids are picking treats off the shelf, trying to hide them among the apples and cereal already in the cart. I try for firmness, but they’re tired and cranky after a long day at school.

Suddenly, someone else’s cart almost careens into us. The woman fixes her gaze on the three of us, then reaches over to pinch my daughter on the cheek. “I know you,” she says, calling her by name.

My daughter gives her a hard look. “Ma, do you know her?” she asks.

“Oh, but I know your mother,” the woman says turning to me. “You’re Dobby, you’re a singer. You have a son, you have a daughter. I know you all…”

I smile tightly. My kids are unnerved. It’s far from the first time. It’s happened before, in different locations with different people. Those same words, “I know you, I know all about you…” It feels exposing, almost creepy, to have people “know” us. And when it’s my children who are recognized and exulted over, there’s a sense that this borders on dangerous.

How did we get here — to people being overexcited and garrulous and intrusive, not just about me and my work, but about my kids?

Insta-land

As a child, I was drawn to music, singing, and performing. But my passion didn’t become a profession until I finished seminary. That’s when I started directing choirs for school productions, composing songs, and giving voice and piano lessons.

In my community in England, people knew me, so I got jobs simply through word-of-mouth. But when I married my husband and moved to Brooklyn, I wasn’t an anomaly anymore. I was in a ginormous city filled with frum female talent.

How would I find work? How would people find out about me? I had to start from scratch. This was 2017 and social media seemed the way to go. “Get an Insta page,” people advised me. “It’s like a portfolio. You can showcase your work and people will find you easily.”

I hopped on board without giving it much thought. During those first months in New York, I landed a summer job as a music director in a talent camp. I figured I’d put up videos from the talent camp and get my work out there so more opportunities could come my way.

I was naive as to how social media worked. How did people amass followers — how did they get their work in front of people? I educated myself by looking at other people’s pages, from gourmet chefs to home organizers.

I realized quickly that work content alone wouldn’t cut it. There had to be more to lure people in and keep them with you. The easiest way to accomplish that was to make your page a fun and flashy place. Give people what they want. Cute kids, gorgeous getaways, fashion, and food — all sorts of eye candy that gives them a vicarious experience.

You also had to get personal. To attract followers, I learned, you must be “open” and show your work persona along with other sides of yourself — who you are as a mom, a family person, a homemaker.