The sunshine remains hidden. And the light that could fill the room is extinguished

“You shall not show partiality in judgment.” (Devarim16:19)

“A

warning to the judge that he not be gentle with one litigant and harsh with the other.… Because when one person sees that the judge is honoring the other he will become confused in his claims.” (Rashi)

Why will he become confused in his claims if they were clear to him when he entered the courtroom?

That’s the influence that the judge’s facial expression has confusing all the person’s thoughts and weakening his spirit. This is the awesome power of a person’s facial expression. (Rav Shlomo Wolbe Alei Shur 191)

A small baby is a king. His mother’s heart rejoices at his tiniest gesture she thrills at his giggle. When that first smile lights up his face the whole house fills with an inexplicable radiance of love.

This power of he’aras panim “illumination of countenance” is already evident even in an infant when his first smile appears. With that smile the soul breaks forth from its hiding place within that small frail body lighting up his face.

There are two driving forces that are the basis of human social life: 1) the hunger of each person for the other person’s “shining countenance” and 2) the power to bestow our own “shining countenance” upon others a power that is implanted in the heart of every person. (ibid.)

The road of life is long and wide. People march along endlessly arriving passing through departing. And beneath the confident facades the satisfaction and contentment the laughter and enjoyment is concealed a hunger. A gnawing demanding hunger.

The hunger that all of us have for another person’s smile. We peer through the windows of souls looking for that spark to light up their face. We enter buildings and stores seeking the bright beams to illuminate the darkness. But throughout the whole long street of life there’s not one shop that sells smiles.

Because smiles are free. The most basic commodity in life — a smile — is within everyone’s power to bestow.

Let us ponder a little on human relationships how sometimes two people can live side by side without a common language and live in bitterness and anger because of some mutual misunderstanding. If we try to find the source for this we’ll see that each person is always waiting for the other person to approach him first and therefore each is waiting for the other indefinitely.

The rav is waiting for his student to come to him and discuss his problems while the student is waiting for the rav to give him an opening. Children rely on their parents’ compassion but parents are also hungry and yearning for that burst of sunlight from their children. (ibid.)

You are standing at a bar mitzvah. A few feet away you recognize an acquaintance from shul. She looks out of place lonely wishing someone would approach her.

So go over and say hello.

Nothing doing. I hardly know her. And she probably saw me too. Why doesn’t she come over to me?

If she says hello — I’ll say hello back. And if not …

So the sunshine remains hidden. And the light that could fill the room is extinguished. All for the lack of a smile. All for the lack of taking the first step to be friendly.

My sister-in-law never calls. I’ve called her numerous times. Now let her be the first to call. Is her phone heavier than mine that she can’t pick it up to dial?

My husband never remembers my birthday. So why am I planning a whole party for his?

Meanwhile an abyss is continuously widening between all of us. Each one is thinking that he has hidden reasons why he should remain distant — but in reality there are no reasons here; all that’s missing is understanding that basic understanding that it’s up to me to take the first step. (ibid.)

To be the first to smile. Not to think and not to wait. There’s food out there yet people are starving to death! A simple smile and my face will fill life with light scattering silver beams on all those around me.

Chazal tucked this secret of he’aras panim in this short directive: “Be the first to greet every person.” (ibid.)

Be the first.

Be the first to bridge the gap the first to add another golden bead on the necklace of relationships. Not to wait for someone to touch my heart but to open my heart to touch them first.