Sori’s Take

Hi, my name is Sori. I’m in eighth grade. Most girls my age don’t worry about the things I worry about, and I sort of envy them for it. I’ll explain. For as long as I can remember, my mother has been going to the gym every morning without fail. She cooks healthy dinners and has a very limited amount of nosh in the pantry. Her standard snack recommendation is baby carrots. Last year, when the gym closed because of Covid, she bought a treadmill and a set of weights so she could continue her exercise routine.

Now you understand what I live with.

From when I was as young as 11, my mother has always commented on how having a healthy lifestyle will take you very far in life. Eating out for meals was hard because when dessert was served, and I took a piece of cake, my mother didn’t stop me but she made sure I saw her sniff in disapproval. As I got older, I started adapting to this lifestyle and embraced it rather than fight it. I started using the treadmill and eating healthy everywhere I went, not just in my home. In the end, I’m happy I look good, and my mother’s definitely very proud of me, which feels nice. But in a way, I feel cut off from all my friends. When they nosh during sleepover parties, or have Shabbos dessert and cake and cookies and candy, I always feel isolated. A part of me longs to have that carefree attitude toward food.

My friend Rivka is the one I envy the most. Her mother doesn’t overload her house with unhealthy snacks but she lets her kids have what they want as long as they maintain a balanced diet and eat all the required nutrients. They get to have cake and candy after dinner and on Shabbos. Lately, I’ve tried to make Rivka realize that all that sugar won’t just leave her body by itself. I try hinting to her here and there that what she’s eating isn’t good for her, but I think that it’s more about making myself feel better than helping Rivka. She’s confident with herself and how she looks. I just feel lost when I see someone able to eat a doughnut with zero guilt.

Should I continue to try to make Rivka realize she should be more careful about her diet? Or should I just accept that I’m alone in this until the rest of the girls my age will hopefully catch on?

Mindy’s Message 

Dear Girls,

Happy Chanukah! I love Chanukah! Lighting the menorah, eating latkes, singing Hallel, eating doughnuts, vacation from school, and Chanukah parties.

I love Succos also! The cozy Succah, delicious meals, Bircas Kohanim, Yom Tov cookies and cakes, arba minim, Simchas Torah kiddush…

To be honest I love all the Yamim Tovim!

Purim, a special day to daven and eat everyone’s homemade muffins!

Did you notice the pattern here?

It’s not a mistake that our holidays combine gashmiyus, which includes good food, and ruchniyus. This is because our goal is to elevate the gashmiyus and use it to help us serve Hashem.

As Yidden, we are so lucky! We have Yamim Tovim that don’t just serve as a remembrance, they come along with the koach of that day and time. For example, Yom Kippur is the day that Hashem forgave Bnei Yisrael; that is why the day itself is powerful enough even now, so many years later, to grant us forgiveness.

Chanukah is the time when we conquered the Misyavnim and Hellenism. We had the strength to fight a culture that worships the “guf” and forgets the “neshamah.” That epic battle is so challenging that Hashem rewarded us with open miracles.

I would venture to say that this battle is one that we wage daily in 2021.

On the one hand we are obligated to take care of the guf, the body that houses the neshamah, and allows us to live, to serve Hashem, and do mitzvos. Excessive overeating, filling up on junk, and not exercising is not taking care of the amazing human body that Hashem loans us for our lifetime. On the other hand, worshipping the body and primarily focusing on keeping the temporary body beautiful is obviously not our goal. Our main emphasis must be on our eternal neshamah. As with everything, we need to strike a balance.

It’s wonderful to eat healthy but it should not become our whole life focus. Teenage years are the years that we grow up and start discovering ourselves. Truth is, we never stop growing up and discovering ourselves. Be true to yourself. Don’t compare yourself to other people as it is not beneficial for anyone. Remember that Hashem created you beautiful just the way you are.

A beautiful girl is someone who is confident and happy regardless of their dress size. If you’re like the sunshine, someone who is constantly smiling and loving life, your neshamah shines through, and that is what makes you beautiful.

Having a healthy body image and feeling good about yourself starts now, with your awareness, and never ends. Of course, it is important to look good as you are representing Hashem and His Torah. But it shouldn’t be your only focus. This quintessential balance is our life’s work.

Mindy Rosenthal M.S., BCBA/LBA, teaches social skills, executive function skills, and other skills to incredible children, teens, and their parents. She is also the lucky director of student services at Ilan High School and consults nationally and internationally on social skills, executive function, and behavioral programs. She can be reached through Teen Pages.

(Originally featured in Teen Pages, Issue 888)