My life as a musician...was fundamentally at odds with the Torah observance I was discovering

T

he music of Torah calls to me. My soul’s pull to that celestial tune has been the defining chord on my life’s journey, which led me from rock guitarist stardom to yeshivah student, from kiruv lecturer to litigation attorney, and most recently, to becoming a published author. Sometimes even I find it hard to believe.

I was born in 1982 in San Diego, California, into a traditional Jewish household. That meant we made Kiddush on Friday night but drove to shul on Shabbat morning; we kept kosher at home but not necessarily when dining out. I did attend an Orthodox Jewish day school through eighth grade, even though we weren’t fully observant — arguably the best decision my parents ever made.

Things changed quickly when I entered public high school. My parents had divorced — not amicably — when I was very young, and that forced me to become highly self-reliant. By 13, I was staying out late with friends, experimenting with illegal substances, and immersing myself in the popular music scene. At 14, I picked up the guitar, and it became my best friend.

In my first year at San Diego State University, some childhood friends and I formed a rock band. It took off quickly, and we signed with a major management firm, sold over 10,000 CDs, and appeared on various tours and media events across California. I was living my dreams, playing music for a living and enjoying the adoration of fans. At 18, I felt invincible.

Even during these years, though, my connection to Hashem lingered. I remember playing a show on Erev Yom Kippur in Northern California and insisting on fasting Yom Kippur. My bandmates thought I was crazy — we exerted intense energy on stage, and going without food or water for 24 hours afterward seemed impossible. Yet somehow, I made it through the show and the fast. Who knows — maybe that stubbornness to hold on to something meaningful earned me the merit to eventually leave that life behind.