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| Family Diary |

Ring Me: Chapter 9 

“You!” he said, pointing to Basya, who seemed to be organizing everything. “You go find out about the kesubah”

 

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

I know there are a lot of strong feelings surrounding the “age order” concept, where people expect children in a family to get married in an oldest-first pattern. I know this because I had a younger sister.

When she was 19 and I was 21, she was redt to her first boy. People thought she should wait, but my sister wanted to meet him, and I told my parents I didn’t want to hold her back. She met him and married him, and I got married a full two years later.

Good thing we didn’t make her wait, right? Shidduchim are complicated enough without holding back younger siblings. Leave it up to Hashem to work out the who, when, where, and how.

The Feldheims faced a similar situation. Although Miriam Feldheim was 23, her chassan, Yanky Green, also 23, was only the second boy she’d dated. That’s because when Miriam had returned from seminary, she had “waited” for her older sister, Basya.

But five long years later, Basya was 27 and still unmarried. Miriam started dating when she turned 23, and now she was engaged. Mazel tov!

Basya had never wanted to prevent her sister’s simchah, and she wasn’t going to ruin it for her now. She put her own feelings aside and threw herself into the wedding plans. She debated color schemes and gown designs, and searched out the best hair and makeup stylists. Basya accompanied the kallah from the linen store to the sheitelmacher to the mall, and she gave her time and energy with a full heart.

It was Basya who created the invitation list, Basya who arranged hosts for the Shabbos sheva brachos guests, and Basya who traveled to Lakewood with Miriam to scout out apartments. She even worked with the mechutanim on seating for the wedding. She was her mother’s right hand and the kallah’s best friend — the ultimate doting sister.

The day of the wedding, Basya helped the kallah get dressed and made sure she was comfortable. She found her a private place to daven and fielded phone calls from her friends. Finally, it was time for pictures. Everything was perfect. Everything was beautiful.

The chassan had asked Rabbi Yitzchok Morgenstern to be mesader kiddushin. Rabbi Morgenstern was not only his rosh yeshivah but also a father figure — Yanky had grown up next door and was like a brother to the Morgenstern boys. Rabbi Morgenstern was going to be in Texas for an event the day before the wedding, but he scheduled his return flight to land with plenty of time to rest and get to the hall on time.

Until the flight was delayed for two hours. Then three hours. Then four.

 

By the time the passengers were called to board, Rabbi Morgenstern knew he was in trouble. He could still make it to the wedding in time for the chuppah if he went straight to the hall from the airport. But the kesubah was in his home — 45 minutes from the airport, and then 45 minutes to the hall.

He called his son, Ephraim. “Did you leave the house yet?” he asked tensely.

“I’m leaving in a minute, Ta,” Ephraim said. “Everyone else is leaving later. But I’m going now, to help the chassan.” Ephraim and Yanky were the same age, and best friends.

“I’m about to board, it’s going to be tight,” his father said. “The kesubah is on my desk. Please, can you make sure to bring it with you the wedding?”

Still on the phone, Ephraim riffled through the papers. “I found it, Ta,” he said. “No problem.”

Rabbi Morgenstern landed in New York at 4 p.m. The chuppah was at 6:30 in Lakewood. As he dashed to the luggage claim, he called Ephraim.

No answer.

He called his wife.

No answer.

Finally, Rabbi Morgenstern managed to reach the kallah’s father. Quickly, he explained the delay and asked him to find his son and confirm that he’d brought the kesubah with him to the hall.

The photographer was in a bad mood. They were running late, and that was before the bride’s father had stopped everything to take a phone call. And now he wants to go off on a rescue mission in search of a missing kesubah? Did they want the wedding today, or what?

“You!” he said, pointing to Basya, who seemed to be organizing everything. “You go find out about the kesubah.”

Basya went.

When Ephraim heard Basya’s question, he turned white. “I forgot it,” he whispered. “What should I do? It’s not like they can just use any random kesubah!”

Basya didn’t blink. “No problem,” she said. “We’re going to figure this out. Worst-case scenario, we’ll run to the closest Judaica store and buy one of every kind of kesubah they have.”

“It has to be that specific kesubah,” Ephraim insisted. “Maybe we can Uber it?”

They discussed a few options, and ultimately Ephraim decided to drive back home to get it. “If I leave right now, I can still make it,” he said, and flew out of the hall. Basya told no one, just went back to the picture session and smiled for the camera.

It was time for the badeken. The music began to play, and the atmosphere instantly became charged. From her place on the platform, Basya watched the chassan approach her sister. When she saw Ephraim slip back into the hall and join the crowd, she smiled in relief. No one knew why she grinned so widely when the kesubah was read.

The next morning I got a phone call from Ephraim. I listened carefully to the story, then called Basya.

“He was so impressed with your middos, and how you handled such a sensitive event,” I told her. “Would you go out with him?”

She laughed incredulously. “He’s Yanky’s friend!” she said. “He’s probably five years younger than me!”

“Three,” I said. “And he doesn’t care about that.”

Ephraim was a serious learner, like Basya was hoping for, and his best friend, Basya’s brand-new brother-in-law, raved about him. Basya allowed herself to be talked into meeting him once. Then again. Then again.

Mazel tov — Basya Feldheim to Ephraim Morgenstern!

I stared at the text, a picture of the new couple beaming up at me from my phone. It seemed clear to me that Basya’s selflessness had brought about her own shidduch.

Good thing she didn’t make her sister wait, right?

to be continued…

 

Shani Leiman is a teacher and shadchan in Silver Spring, Maryland.

 

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 702)

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