Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

Nechemia was 28, highly intelligent, driven, and accomplished — an overachiever from a family of overachievers. Unlike lots of guys who schmooze easily, he didn’t do small talk. Conversations with Nechemia inevitably turned intense or analytical, and more than one girl had found his sense of humor a little too sharp for comfort.

His parents were frustrated and distressed trying to get Nechemia married (“I’m losing my mind,” his father, Dr. Gordon, said). But Nechemia was good-hearted and generous and would make a great husband. He just needed someone who wouldn’t be intimidated by his personal brand of intellectualism.

Ilana was 27. She was a lawyer, her father was a lawyer, her mother was a lawyer. Perfect, I thought. Nechemia was used to accomplished women, and Ilana could handle his personality. I ran the idea by Dr. Gordon. He liked what he heard about Ilana and told me to send her shidduch resume to his wife. I sent the email while we were hanging up and called Mrs. Gordon right away.

“I’m calling about Ilana Hammler,” I began. “She’s a lawyer, works for the family firm.” I started sketching her personality and background, but before I could say much, Mrs. Gordon interrupted me.

“It sounds really great, but what did you say her name was,?”

“Hammler, Ilana Hammler. From Los Angeles.”

I heard a sharp intake of breath. “What are her parents’ names?”

“Zev and Golda.” Why was she so tense?

For a moment it was quiet, and I thought I had lost the call, but then I could hear her crying. “Thirty-five years,” she choked out. “My husband has been suffering for 35 years. And now this!”

I waited until she had composed herself enough to talk. “Thirty-five years ago,” she said, “my husband was engaged to Ilana’s mother, Golda Brackman. Now Golda Hammler. And he broke it.” She took a deep breath.

“The broken engagement caused a lot of agmas nefesh for the family. My husband felt terrible about it. He tried several times to ask for mechilah, but he was rebuffed each time. He tried getting their rav involved, then his rosh yeshivah… nothing. After a few years he stopped trying, but he never made peace with it. How could he?”