“I’m a busy guy. I don’t have time to waste on a date that’s going nowhere"

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

When Avi went out with Elisheva for the first time, I was cautiously hopeful. He was 32 and she was 27, and, as she told me, “serious about getting married.” She was flexible about whom she was willing to date, and I knew from previous experiences that she really gave each guy a chance.

Their date was set for 7:30. At ten to nine, Avi’s mother called. “He says no,” she said, “but thanks so much for trying.”

I was taken aback. I know Elisheva pretty well, she’s a great girl. What happened that was so terrible that he couldn’t even give the date the minimum two hours it deserves?

“Listen,” Shiffy told me, “maybe we can talk about this. I don’t want to say anything bad about my own son. But he’s 32 already, and I don’t think this problem is going away on its own.” Her voice was high, and she was agitated, clearly struggling.

“Why don’t you give me some details,” I suggested, “and we’ll see if we can help him?”

“Help him. Right.” She took a deep breath. “Okay. I feel like… like he’s doing something wrong with his dating. He often says no to a girl after just one date. He claims he can tell immediately if someone isn’t for him. ‘NFM,’ he says.”

I’d heard of DOA, but NFM?

“Not For Me,” Shiffy supplied. “He picks her up at 7:15, and at 10:15 he walks back in and announces, ‘NFM.’ ”