“Mrs. Leiman,” Dalia confessed, “every time my phone rings I hope it’s you, calling me with an idea”

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

"I

’m already twenty-one and a half,” Dalia said, “and I have never gone out. Not even one date.”

I could hear the pain in her voice. Some of her friends got dates all the time, some went out sporadically, some met only one or two boys in a year. But Dalia hadn’t had even one opportunity. She felt rejected and abandoned by society.

I tried telling Dalia that when it comes to dating, more isn’t better. “Let’s take Chaya, for example,” I said. “Chaya’s ‘busy’ now, and she’s always busy. Busy getting ready for dates, busy cramming her schoolwork into the few hours before or after dates, busy rehashing dates with her parents or mentors.

“She’s always drained from the emotional roller coaster that dating is, drained from the constant effort of investing herself, drained from doing it over and over again. You know what Chaya told me?” I paused, but Dalia didn’t respond. “Chaya said she wishes she didn’t have to date so much, could somehow avoid all the ups and downs and drama, the hours wasted on meeting boys who were ultimately not right for her.”

“Easy for her to say,” Dalia muttered.

“Of course,” I agreed. Dating is exciting — at least at the beginning. You feel popular, well-liked, people are thinking of you. But it loses its appeal quickly. Dress up, get ready, get set, go out… and then, so often, it’s game over.

“It’s not a game, and we’re not counting dates,” I told Dalia. “What you want isn’t dates. You want to get married. And for that you only need one. One date. One boy.”