“Can I call her? Even if she refuses to see me again, I want to apologize. I feel terrible”

Shani Leiman with Zivia Reischer

Michoel was 28, a sweet, gentle soul. He worked with the geriatric population and had endless patience for his clients. He was intelligent and caring and would make a great husband, but he was often rejected by the girls he met because he didn’t have the presence and charisma that girls like to see. I understood why he felt burned out.

Penina was good-natured and very refined, but other guys had described her as “very quiet.” I didn’t think that would be a problem for Michoel, and I thought she’d appreciate Michoel’s thoughtful personality. He was fed up with dating, but I managed to convince him to give this a try.

“It was a little stilted,” Michoel reported after their first date. “I literally had to coax the conversation out of her.” Although it sounded like he was complaining, I could hear a happy lilt in his voice. “But once she opened up… it was good.”

Michoel and Penina went out six times. Although I tried working with Penina to help her share and initiate more, Michoel had to keep drawing out her thoughts and ideas. He admitted that it was a little draining for him, and I was in awe of his patience. But he liked her a lot, and she liked him.

There were no fireworks, like you sometimes have when two intense individuals meet. It was more like a tentative blossoming as their connection grew, a flower slowly opening in the sunlight.

By their seventh date, Penina knew this relationship was serious, and she had a few important things she wanted to discuss. The only problem was that Michoel wasn’t feeling good. As they drove, his mild headache erupted into a migraine. By the time they were settled at the coffee shop, he could barely focus. The lights were too bright, the noise was painful. He just wanted to take two Motrins and go to sleep.

Penina was at a loss. Usually Michoel led the conversation, but this time he wasn’t. Initiating a conversation — never mind an important topic — was beyond her. Michoel tried making small talk, but without his usual effort, the conversation petered out. So they just sat there, looking at each other across the table, two silent people in a room full of noisy, lively chatter.