What are we really doing all day? A group of seven women, ages 20 to 65, decide to find out just where the time goes

ITwas Elul, when introspection is the name of the game. Now, I know I have a lot of faults, which I’m not going to list here, but I wondered: is time-wasting one of them? I think of myself as organized; I get done what I need to, and the other night, I even went on a bike ride with some friends.

On the other hand, when I looked at the dishes that pile up a minute after I finish cleaning the kitchen, I despaired of ever being able to stay on top of things. Was this all an excuse? We’re all busy and things take time, but I wanted to know: How busy am I really? When I complain that I’m chained to my desk for five hours a day, am I really doing nothing but work during that time? I tell you that being chained to my desk for so many hours is the reason my laundry still isn’t folded — but are there hours (pockets?) during the day in which I could get everything put away but have other excuses? I wanted to find out.

Well, there is no better time to find out than during Elul, when we’re actively trying to be better. And why not do this among friends? A shared burden is always easier to carry.

I put together a group of seven women between the ages of 20 and 65 — and in Israel. And I set out to find out: What do we really do with our time? This was a four-day intensive project, when I sent multiple emails a day to each participant. In each of these emails, I asked four questions: 1) What time did you receive this email? 2) What were you doing when you received it? 3) What did you want/were supposed/had set out to be doing at this time? 4) What, if anything, has receiving this email at this time done for you?

The Participants

Shevy Teicher, 22, Lakewood, NJ:

I’m married for three years, and I currently live in Lakewood. I work as a first-grade boys’ teacher, but I’m currently on maternity leave with my second baby.  In general, I’m a very scheduled person; I like to know what has to be done for the day and I love having lists. I was very excited to join this experiment because I was curious to see whether I really don’t have time for all the things I say take so long to do.

Aviva Lison, 35, Detroit, MI:

(That’s me.) I live out of town, have a large family kein ayin hara, and I work. Too much, according to my kids, and guess what? I agree. My hours are flexible, which is great, but on the other hand, it means they don’t really ever end. And I work from home, which is also great, but it’s hard to balance work time versus non-work time when your computer is five feet away from your kitchen table. The week of this experiment saw a big project on a tight deadline; as much as I don’t wish it, I knew there would be overtime. To top it off, we did this during the wonderful week between camp and school, when in addition to my own family home, my children were running two (yes, I’m a masochist) day camps in the house. That said, I don’t think of myself as a big time-waster, and I was interested in whether this will corroborate or contradict that notion.

Esty Stern 30, Lakewood, NJ:

I have six children and a pretty intense job. My job requires a lot of hours, but those hours aren’t specific, so my daily schedule fluctuates. Living in Lakewood, I spend around an hour and a half in the car each day for babysitting drop-off and pickup, but I probably only drive five miles in that time.

Shaina Goldstein, 38, Israel: I’m the mother of seven children bli ayin hara, ranging in ages from 13 down to one year. I work 20 hours a week mostly from home. I did this experiment during school vacation, so I had all my children home with me and my schedule wasn’t as structured as it usually is. I tried to fit in four hours of work in between toilet training my three-year-old, keeping up with regular household duties, and doing some sort of fun activities with the other kids.

Chani Ritterman, 45, Lakewood, NJ:

I am a young(ish) mother with old(ish) kids. I work a full-time job out of the house, and then come home to another full-time job, plus — mothering. And don’t forget wife and housekeeper!

As an even younger mother, I would look at older women (mid-forties) and think about how much time they have... no babies, no diapers, no constant running after two-year-olds… They must be bored, I thought. Now that I’ve reached that point, I can’t figure out if I’m still not old enough (my five elementary-school-aged kids keep me very busy) or organized enough. Or maybe I was just wrong, and I’ll be busy forever.

I’m pretty organized and disciplined — or so I thought. When I dealt with young kids only, the laundry got done, supper was made, the homework, bath, bed, repeat schedule was basically set in stone. But as my kids get older, I find myself forgetting to do things, running out of time... and seeming to be very disorganized. Is it me? Or is there really not enough time in the day to deal with a sixth grader who needs something for a project now while simultaneously dealing with shidduchim, shopping with a teenager, and staying on top of regular laundry, housekeeping, and homework. And yeah, work.

Liz Rothstein, 53, Baltimore, MD:

I’m a very organized person who likes to keep busy. Summers are extra hectic for me as my kids are home more than during the school year. I’m pretty disciplined with my time so I can take care of my family’s needs. I have four children; daughters who are 15, 17, and 19, and a son who is 21. My son made aliyah two and a half years ago, and he is currently enlisted in the IDF. He’s allowed to come home for 30 days a year during his service, and that time overlapped with this experiment. At the same time, I was getting my 19-year-old ready for college in New York, as well as a family vacation to Florida. Four days in the summer look very different from four days during the winter! I’m a retired attorney and currently a full-time homemaker. I like to be occupied, so I spend my free time doing volunteer work in the community and engaged in hobbies such as reading, brisk walking, and needlepointing. I love to cook and bake for my family as well.

Judy Schwartz, 65, Brooklyn, NY:

I’m a chassidic married mother and grandmother. I strive to do at least one good thing every day that I don’t tell anyone about... I seek opportunities to help others in genuine need. But my priorities are always my children.

My daily schedule involves driving a lot while listening to a shiur, chesed, enjoying my children, grandchildren, and friends, while sometimes... cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. (I never have laundry floating around. I do a load without thinking too much about it.) Everyone always asks me what I do. My answer is always that I do mitzvos. No matter what I’m busy with, it’s always doing something good for someone. Every minute we have is a gift. I try to live my life making the most of every minute.