It’s fine to be emotional but it must be expressed appropriately

People get upset — and for very good reasons. They can stem from external events (such as being betrayed) or from internal events (such as suspecting betrayal). Internal events themselves stem either from external events (having been betrayed in the past) or from internal events (having been born with an overly suspicious brain). No matter what the cause an upset person must find a way to deal with it in accordance with Torah guidelines.

Sharing Emotions
The human face is a “reshus harabbim” — a public wayfare. We expose our face to others on the street at our workplace in shul and at home. We have to take into consideration that others will react to our face and experience their own emotions as a result of seeing it.
Upon seeing a smiling face we normally feel uplifted — hence the tremendous value and popularity of those little yellow smiley faces that populate our graphic world. Similarly seeing a sad face tends to sadden us.
We have no right to depress other people with our unhappy countenance and we are obligated to “put on a happy face” in public — or at least one that is somewhat pleasant. “Public” includes all places where there are other people and therefore includes our homes. Indeed our face — and our words body language and actions — have a tremendous emotional impact on our family members. We have no right to make them feel miserable.
Who’s Responsible?
The tough thing is that this is true even if a family member is responsible for our upset.
“My wife gets extremely emotional when she’s frustrated with me. She talks and talks and cries buckets of tears. When we first got married I was shocked at her emotionality. Then I became numb to it. But I hate having to deal with all the drama. I find I’ve pulled back a lot.”
If we were to ask this wife why she made these scenes she would have excellent reasons. Her husband neglected her behaved inappropriately didn’t fulfill his responsibilities insulted her relatives — for sure there was some good reason for her upset. Does he then have a right to complain about her tears? He drives her to them!
Actually Hashem creates the provocation not the husband. The wife must rise to the challenge. She is no longer a toddler without words or resources. She can find the correct way to address her marital issues and do so while maintaining her dignity wisdom and beauty.
“My husband blows up at my son. I know my son provokes him but my husband seems to fall for it every time. He screams and pounds the table and says really hurtful things. But when I confront him he tells me I’m taking the child’s side and then he turns on me!”
Yes children are provocative. Yes parents want to set them straight. But doing so with intense negative emotion sets them crooked often for life. Parents have no right to dump their pile of negative emotion on a child in the name of “parenting.” It isn’t parenting at all; it’s unrestrained anger. Anger sets the house on fire; it doesn’t matter why you lit the match.
Out of Control
“My daughter is ten years old but she doesn’t mind throwing a full-blown tantrum in public. Last week we had to leave the amusement park suddenly because of an emergency call. You’d think she’d be mature enough to understand but all she could think of was her ruined day. She screamed at the top of her lungs all the way to the car! Her behavior is wearing me down completely.”
The only ones who can get away with unrestrained emotionality are those who are two years old or less. Everyone else has to start figuring out how to regulate modulate and appropriately curb emotional expression. It’s fine to feel upset; it’s not fine to terrorize or traumatize others by excessive negative communication.
Setting Boundaries
We need to set boundaries for ourselves and our family members when it comes to excessive emotionality. Professional help often facilitates this. The recognition and acceptance of the concept that huge emotional displays are always inappropriate and invariably destructive is the first step in the healing process.