An unsparing look at the biggest, baddest buzzword in wellness

M

eet Suri. Suri was stressed out. Every Sunday, the week dawned bright and hopeful, with playdates and doctor’s appointments neatly marked on her calendar. But by Thursday nights, Suri would lie flat on the couch, chewing on a slice of cold pizza, and feeling like she’d been spit out of the dishwasher.

When Suri heard about the life-changing magic of self-care, she decided to take it for a spin. She took bubble baths. Booked manicures. Lit scented candles. Shipped the kids out to babysitters. Went out for coffee dates.

And it helped. Suri felt good.

For a day or two.

But the suffocating stress of life would slowly creep back. As her self-care rituals became more and more elaborate, Suri felt breathless trying to stay afloat. Self-care became another to-do on her list.

Acupuncture. Massage therapy. Essential oils. Retreats. It was never enough. The reality is, she concluded, that life is too much. It’s just. too. much. 

It was earlier this year when I chanced upon this quote from Brianna Weist: “True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake. It’s making the choice to build a life you don’t need to escape from.”

I sat frozen in my chair, pondering the soft little sentences that had just slammed my brain. The idea that a peaceful, serene life was something to be crafted, molded, created, felt absolutely mind-blowing.

I mean, frum life can be intense. Large families. Significant financial obligations. And we haven’t even started talking about Purim costumes or Pesach cleaning yet.

Are we frumologically wired to be more stressed-out? Were our grandmothers struggling or serene? Have rising material standards pushed us to panic? Are these alliterations altering your brain chemistry yet?

I set out to unpack these questions and discover the truth behind one of the biggest, baddest buzzwords in wellness.

Self-care.

Spoiler: If you equate self-care with manicures, then you’re doing it all wrong.

What Is Self-Care?

We need to start with a definition, so let’s get that out of the way.

Self-care: The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.

Mmmm, sounds nice. In theory.