Ready or Not
| May 23, 2023You’re my friend — how could you withhold your suspicions from me and delay my child getting the help she needed?
Shayna: I could have gotten my daughter help so much earlier had you only spoken up.
Talia: I didn’t share my suspicions because you didn’t seem open to hearing them.
Talia
It sounds cheesy, but I really love my job.
I work as an early intervention therapist, and I love everything about what I do (well, maybe not the paperwork, but everything else). I enjoy working with the parents and adorable little ones, and I get such satisfaction from seeing my little clients progress toward their goals.
My family and friends know how enthusiastic I am about what I do, and over the years, I’ve kind of become the go-to for anyone in my social circle who’s looking for informal advice on therapies for their babies or children. Obviously, that’s not a replacement for a formal evaluation and services, but I’m happy to help.
So Shayna’s call was pretty typical.
Shayna’s a friend of mine from way back. She’s a few years younger than me, but we lived next door to each other growing up, and we bump into each other every so often and stop to schmooze.
Now, she was calling with a question. “So, I know you work with babies, and you do some sensory stuff, right?”
“I do help children with sensory integration, yes. That’s one of the things I do,” I said.
“Right, for sure, it’s just the sensory issue I wanted to ask about. Basically, my Mimi — she’s two and a half, and I think she has some kind of sensory issue. She’s often uncomfortable, like maybe it’s the clothing? I’m not sure. Or she wants me to hug her tightly, things like that. I was wondering… maybe I could bring her over sometime, and you could give me some ideas how to help her?”
“Sure,” I said. I was always happy to give some tips to a friend. “Wanna come over one afternoon? My Eli would love to have company.”
“Oh, Mimi’s not really the type to play together, she’s very particular about how she does things,” Shayna said, laughing a little. “Two going on 20, huh?”
I chuckled weakly. Actually, I thought Shayna’s concerns were slightly… alarming. But I would reserve judgment until I saw Mimi for myself.
We arranged for Shayna to come over on Tuesday afternoon around four p.m., but by the time she showed up, it was closer to five.
“I’m so sorry!” Shayna said. She seemed heavily expecting, and was panting as she pushed the stroller inside. “Mimi had a massive tantrum on the way out of the door, it took forever to calm her down, and then again in the car…” She exhaled heavily.
“Anyway, I’m due soon b’ezras Hashem, and I figured I should try to get some advice on handling Mimi before — before there’s a lot more on my plate. So that’s why I’m here. I think it’s all the sensory issues, maybe going out overstimulates her? I just want some ideas of how I can help her handle things better.”
Mimi was an adorable toddler, with cherubic pink cheeks featuring a smattering of freckles, and gold-tinted auburn curls tied with an oversized bow. She was also frowning intently and staring at something on the wall behind me.
“Hi, Mimi,” I said.
There was no response.
“Mimi?” I knelt in front of her.
“I guess she’s tired,” Shayna said. “Mimi, say hi to Mommy’s friend Talia.”
Mimi finally blinked and turned in our direction, but I noticed she didn’t make direct eye contact with me.
Shrill warning sirens began blaring in my mind.
“Why don’t you take Mimi out of the stroller, she can play something,” I suggested. When I go to do therapy for babies, I bring a lot of toys with me; here in my den, though, we had plenty of Eli’s toys scattered around.
Mimi wasn’t happy to be here, though. She clung to her mother, crying and kicking, while Shayna tried desperately to calm her enough to interest her in the toys.
“She’s super tired, it just got so late, it’s nearly her bedtime,” Shayna told me, raising her voice over Mimi’s cries. “She probably wants a drink — hold on.”
She dug through her bag and fished out a bottle. Mimi took one sip and pushed it away.
“Paci?”
Mimi continued to cry.
“I’ll play with you, Mimi, okay?”
Shayna settled on the floor with difficulty, Mimi balanced in her lap. “Look, wanna play with this truck?” She looked over at me. “This is the best. Mimi loves trucks and cars. Funny, no? You’d think she’d go for the dolls.”
I watched Mimi pick up a truck and start spinning the wheel.
And spinning.
And spinning.
I crouched down beside them. “Mimi, you wanna make the truck go vroom, vroom?” I took another one of Eli’s trucks and wheeled it alongside hers. “Look, see how I’m driving it?”
Mimi ignored me.
The unease in my stomach intensified.
I sat back, leaning against the base of the sofa.
“Shayna…” I said, then I stopped. I wasn’t qualified to diagnose, and how could I share my suspicions just like that?
I decided to try more subtly. “I see what you mean, why you’re worried about a sensory issue,” I said slowly. “Would you take her for a full evaluation?”
“Evaluation? What for? She doesn’t need help, she’s super advanced. She talks so nicely.” Shayna made a face. “I mean, when she isn’t throwing a tantrum. But still.”
She was right. Physically, Mimi was developing just fine. But these signs… I knew these signs. And after seeing so many kids like this, your gut knows when there’s something really wrong.
Oops! We could not locate your form.