I love the format of this column, as often, just reading both girls’ perspectives is half the answer!

Hi, my name is Raizel.

I’m 16 years old and I attend a small school comprised of girls from our small, close-knit community. We all know each other and each others’ families. We all live in the same neighborhood, shop at the same grocery stores, and eat at the same restaurants. Shabbos is always full of visits, from morning until dusk. The door of our house is like an ever-revolving door, with people constantly coming in and out. I know it has many advantages, living in an informal community like this. It’s always a relief to know that if you run out of anything, from matches to almond flour, someone nearby will be there to graciously lend it to you. Children are constantly in and out, and my siblings have a multitude of playmates to choose from. Our neighborhood is incredibly safe, considering the number of Jewish homes that cluster around each other for a couple of miles in each direction.

BUT — and this is a major BUT — there is no space. No space from girls at school. No space at home. No space at the library. No space at the mall. No space at the park. In short — NO SPACE.

I sincerely mean it when I say that on Shabbos, I often find myself in my bedroom with the door locked, pretending to have a stomachache, just to have a little room to breathe. And while I attempt to find peace there, there are around four to five knocks on the door every hour, each time by a different neighbor, asking where I am and how I’m feeling. It’s maddening sometimes.

I have one particular neighbor who’s especially hard to put up with. Her name is Shira. She just doesn’t seem to understand the concept of giving someone space. When I decline her invitation for Shabbos lunch, she proceeds to invite me for Shabbos dessert, and when I politely decline that as well, she invites me for Shalosh Seudos. And — I’m really not joking — if I decline that, she invites me for Melaveh Malkah! And this isn’t just once every few weeks — it’s every week!

At first, I used to say yes because I felt too ashamed to say no so many times in a row. Her house is five or six houses down from mine, so the distance isn’t a problem — it’s more about her family not being my style. They’re very raucous at the table, the children are constantly noshing and making a mess and dropping crumbs all over the place and one of her little sisters is always asking to sit on my lap and play with my hair. I mean, come on, wouldn’t anyone hide in their room when faced with that?!

I’m on the brink of being downright mean. She just doesn’t seem to get the hint, and there’s only so many Shabbos meals I can stand at her house before I explode. My mother’s tried to help me out by declining for me or even allowing me to spend Shabbos at my bubby in Lakewood, but those are just short-term solutions. I really need advice so I can start enjoying Shabbos again without feeling like this girl is breathing down my neck.