Still single? That’s nothing a marketing campaign can’t solve

“I’m so exhausted, I’m literally going to fall asleep in the middle of my parshah lesson…” Penina’s voice cut out for a minute as the phone connected to Bluetooth. “…got to bed so late last night.”

Suri leaned closer to her steering wheel, and grabbed her latest marketing book before it fell off the dashboard. “Why the late night? On a date?”

“No, I was not on a date. You know I haven’t dated in six months. Actually, if you really want to know, I did have a date. With the tests I had to grade. And it was a very bad, one-sided conversation date. Me yelling at the tests!

“And actually, it’s been seven months, ‘cuz the last time I dated was before Succos, which barely counts. It was a one and done. I don’t have a single dating outfit in my closet from this season — and it’s not like it even matters. And I just know that Gitty’s gonna do one of her coughing chains in class today. She always somehow knows when I’m tired. And Mrs. Strickman will for sure come observe me today. And then she’ll go and suggest another crazy shidduch idea—”

“What you need,” broke in Suri, “is some good PR.”

“Last time, it was her great-great-nephew who has a pet hamster, and by the way, he lives in Hong Kong.”

“PENINA!” Suri said, braking sharply. The street behind her erupted in an explosion of honking. She hastily put her foot back on the pedal. “Listen! Legit — this is it. I’m serious about this, you need some PR. I’m going to market you and you’re gonna be sold. Hello, this is what I do for a living!”

“Sure,” Penina mumbled, “for how long? Three months now?”

“Whatever. We’re talking about proven marketing tactics that have like, made millions. You’re super marketable, this will be a no-brainer. We’re totally doing it.” Suri swung into a spot, grabbed her phone, and slammed the car door shut, ignoring Penina’s half-hearted protests. “My boss lets me use the office for my own work after hours. Meet me here at five fifteen, okay? It’ll be epic.”