“Why is it so hard?” Leah asks halfway through the conversation. “My sister’s life is perfect. Perfect house perfect kids perfect husband.”

“I’m sure if you look closer you’ll find it’s not what it looks like” Sheindy says.

“It is what it looks like” Leah disagrees. “She has a perfect life.”

“And what’s wrong with yours?”

“I don’t know; it’s just so not smooth.”

“Like?”

“Like” Leah says “why can’t my husband take my son out and spend special time with him like other fathers do?”

“Does your husband do anything with your son?” Sheindy asks.

“He takes him swimming once in a while or to play basketball.”

“So he spends time with your son?”

“Yeah but not the kind I wish he was spending.” Leah thinks a second. “Like after he took my son to play basketball his knees hurt for a whole week.”

“So he doesn’t have to play” Sheindy says “he can watch him shoot or coach him. It’s not written that the father has to play. But to be with him with all his heart. That’s the point. That’s what they feel in the end.”

“Right but I don’t feel like it’s with all his heart” Leah says. “Like bedtime for example. I keep telling him I want him to tell the kids a story before they go to sleep.”

She pauses.

“Actually he does tell them a story but I don’t know. He rushes them from the couch to the bedroom too quickly.”

“Well maybe you could get them into bed before he comes home so it’s a more pleasant experience” Sheindy suggests knowing Leah will find a reason why this isn’t good for her. And he’s again to blame.

“How can you help this along?” Sheindy asks.

“The truth is” Leah admits “I like to finish in the kitchen while the children are playing so when they go to bed my job’s done too.”

“So you want to finish that’s first priority?” Sheindy asks.

“I don’t know what he does all day that he can’t give the children the time.” Leah reverts to her repertoire.

“What does he do?”

“Well he goes to learn and daven then he goes to work. He comes home about five thirty. We eat together and then he goes to Maariv. When he gets back he wants the children to go to bed because it’s already eight thirty. And I want him to tell them a story.…” Her voice fades and all you can hear is the song that keeps going “I want him to I want him to I want him to …”

“So what if you stopped pointing the finger at him and instead tell him how you see he’s working so hard? How it must be so difficult to fit in time for the children and how great that he still does it ” suggests Sheindy. “I get that you feel he’s not giving with a full heart but what I hear is that he’s under the microscope and probably a little resentful.” She waits a moment then adds “Maybe you could say how you see the bedtime story’s not working so well because you’ve been trying to do the dishes and finish up after a long hard day but that you’re going to work hard to have the children ready because you so appreciate and see how special it is when he tells the story.”

Leah listens. And hears. “But …” she leaves 1000 words hanging in that space. “But why’s it so hard?” she asks again.

  * * * 

Next Day

“Hi how’s it going?” Sheindy asks.

“You won’t believe this but it always happens. After I talk about an issue it gets better. I didn’t say a word. My husband just came in and put the kids to bed with a story.”

“Well maybe your inner attitude changed and your husband magnetically got it. I think husbands get “it” without having to say it.”

“I don’t know” she says doubting that her husband can actually sense how she feels.

“Under the chuppah” Sheindy says “a wife doesn’t say a word to agree to her marriage. Her total consent comes from just pointing a finger.”