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| Double Take |

Party Pooper

Why are my children settling for a second-rate sheva brachos?
Sheva: We’re not trying to be impersonal, but we’re stretched beyond our limits.
Mindel: I know you’re so busy, but shouldn’t you extend yourselves this time?

 

Mindel

I hung up the phone with my daughter Sarah, a huge smile on my face. It was official! It’s always a simchah when a grandchild gets engaged. But with Chava, it was special.

Not just because she’s the oldest granddaughter, the one whose birth catapulted me into a brand-new role, but because we’ve waited years for this.

Chava may be the oldest of the cousins, but she’s the — what, seventh, eighth? — to get married. Two of her own younger siblings are married already, with her blessing, but still… if anyone deserved a special simchah, it was Chava.

“They want to keep the engagement as short as possible,” Sarah told me the next day. “They’ve waited long enough for this, and if they don’t get married before the Three Weeks, it means waiting almost another month, and then mid-summer is not a great time, because so many people are away…”

A seven-week engagement? Wow. But I totally understood. Chava wouldn’t want to wait a few months, not after she’d waited so long to get to this stage in the first place.

“Let me know if I can help out with anything,” I told Sarah.

Sarah laughed. “We’ll be fine, Ma. Chava is super capable. She’s already busy with sheitels and we’re going to choose a gown tomorrow.”

“Well, anything else? Sheva brachos?”

“I think they’re sorted, believe it or not. I mean, assuming that the family makes one, like always…” Sarah counted aloud. “Yup, the nights were grabbed up. So many people have been waiting for this.”

“I know,” I said, my voice laced with relief.

I was looking forward to the family sheva brachos, I reflected. In a way it was the best part of the simchah. With the stress and chaos of making a wedding over with and the young couple relaxed and excited, it was a chance for the family to sit together and enjoy each other instead of getting lost in the music and the noise and a hundred other guests. I was glad that my children did this for each other. “The aunts’ sheva brachos” was always a fun affair, complete with grammen and games and inside jokes, my son-in-law Yidi on the keyboard, and the teen grandsons performing in some impromptu choir. And of course, the theme centered around something special about the chassan or kallah, which always kept things entertaining.

Sarah, as the oldest, was usually the one organizing everything — except, of course, when it was her own child getting married. I should really call Sheva, my second daughter, and offer to help out, make the challah rolls or something. I was sure she’d be glad for the offer.

Excerpted from Mishpacha Magazine. To view full version, SUBSCRIBE FOR FREE or LOG IN.

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