“Today’s parents are very concerned about their children’s success and wellbeing. They care deeply. And that’s fine as long as the concerns are presented respectfully and properly”

When Reva gave her student Penina a low grade on her poorly done school assignment last spring, she was hoping it would motivate the high school girl to perform better next time. And she expected Penina — assuming she was disappointed — to come over and discuss the grade with her.
What she didn’t expect was a major fallout. “It was a disaster,” says Reva. “Penina’s mother was angry and she called the principal to complain about me. Then she posted the story on the class WhatsApp chat, complete with embellishments and hearsay. Before you knew it, I was branded ‘public enemy number one.’ I had to defend myself to the administration and restore my good name as an educator with all the parents. It turned into a huge mess. All because of one student’s low grade on an assignment.”
Welcome to education in 2018. Once upon a time, parents would tell their kids that the teacher was always right. And if a student came home with a questionable grade on a report card, they’d say, “You need to work harder.”
But that era of absolute and unquestioning respect for our educators has passed. Today’s parents are more sophisticated and knowledgeable, more assertive — and often more belligerent in their communication. They’re also more attuned to their children’s progress and scholastic success. And that translates into them getting more involved and more vocal in their children’s education.
Isn’t this a good thing?
Depends who you ask. “Parents’ increased involvement in their children’s education is an outgrowth of today’s climate,” says Mrs. Tsivia Yanofsky, principal of Manhattan High School for Girls. “Today’s parents are very concerned about their children’s success and well-being,” she says. “They care deeply. And that’s fine as long as the concerns are presented respectfully and properly.”
Devorah teaches nursery school in Boro Park. “We’re always talking with the parents,” she says. “And we take all of our parents’ concerns very seriously.” But some parents cross the line. “One mother would text me almost every day,” Devorah remembers, “to ask if her daughter was happy on the bus or if she was crying. She’d tell me if her daughter skipped breakfast that day. Once, I had to run over to her house to pick up a sandwich on my way to school in the morning.”
It can be argued that it’s normal for parents’ concerns to be elevated when their three-year-olds are riding a big yellow bus. But what about the 15-year-old who forgot her homework? Or the 17-year-old who thinks the Gemara assignment is too challenging?
“I always thought that in high school I wouldn’t have to deal with parents,” says Reva. “I thought students would approach me themselves to iron out their problems. Instead, I constantly get calls from the mothers asking me to extend a deadline or to reconsider a low grade. It’s my pleasure to help my students succeed, but why couldn’t they come to me themselves?”(Excerpted from Family First, Issue 606)