“Eisav said ‘What to you is this entire camp that I encountered?’$$separatequotes$$”

(Bereishis 33:8)

All that night the Heavenly angels gathered in groups and accosted Eisav’s men.… Eisav and his entourage could have told them right away that they were related to Yaakov but it was difficult for them to admit to the relationship by mentioning Yaakov’s name. So they beat around the bush mentioning only that they were related to Avraham and Yitzchak.…

The malachim therefore specifically forced Eisav and his companions to recognize that only his connection to Yaakov would save them from the blows they would receive.… The angels’ intent was to cause Eisav and his men to recognize how beloved Yaakov was to Hashem. (Rav Chaim Ephraim Zeitchik Maayanei HaChaim)

I once met a young newlywed couple. Everything seemed wonderful and promising: She was a good girl he was a good boy the parents were supportive and they even had a solid income. What could go wrong?

It didn’t happen all in one day. But at some point it became clear that they simply weren’t happy. They were both disappointed. No one had warned them married life could be so complicated.

She didn’t understand him. Why couldn’t he help a little bit? Why did he spend time talking with friends instead of coming straight home? And when he finally got home why was he so quiet except to ask for things in such a commanding tone?

She really tried hard. She cooked gourmet meals and constantly cleaned. But nothing satisfied him. He always had a negative comment or reaction.

He didn’t understand her. Did the fact that he was married place him under house arrest? She expected him home the minute kollel was over and woe to him if he stopped to exchange a few words with someone. Every extra moment he was late for a meal elicited a sour face tears and a thousand complaints. Was it any wonder he had no interest in meals of that sort? “Come home.” “Go there.” “Help me wash the floors.” “Where were you?” Was he six years old again?

He really tried hard — to help to buy presents and to put his clothes away — but she was never satisfied. She always had a comment or a critical word.

The young lady was certainly not at fault. She’d always had friends and had been a respected counselor in camp. Kind and generous her charm made everyone enamored of her.

The young man was also certainly not at fault. He had a heart of gold and everyone knew they could turn to him for a listening ear. How could it be that he of all people couldn’t get along with his wife?

The Rebbe ztz”l used to tell a mashal about a merchant peddling contraband. When police detectives came to inspect his wares the merchant fooled them by helping them search throughout his store in every nook and cranny even in hidden spots while skipping over the actual hiding place of the contraband.

Similarly a person might examine himself and admit to all of his failings — except the ones that are truly severe. The worst of his shortcomings are the ones that he ignores and covers up. (ibid.)

It’s fairly easy to be charming easygoing and pleasant at work to smile all the time and never appear drained. It’s easy to be pleasant to friends to offer a listening ear to all kinds of people to have a heart of gold and to organize wonderful chesed projects.

But what about at home — 24 hours a day with nowhere else to go and with someone you do not have to impress in any way?

At home we run head-on into our true personality the one that hasn’t had a face-lift in quite some time. Suddenly we find ourselves dealing with someone who dares verbalize the things we’re not good at who uncovers our weak points who thinks differently from us.

The husband is not at fault and the wife is not at fault. No one is to blame; they both simply need to begin working specifically on the areas that are challenging.

In other words … welcome home!