“Yehuda approached him.” (Bereishis 44:18).

“For behold the kings have assembled; they passed through together” (Tehillim 48:5). “For behold the kings have assembled” — this refers to Yehudah and Yosef … “Trembling took hold of them there” — these are the shvatim. They said “Kings are debating each other and why does it concern us? It is fitting for a king to debate with a king?” (Midrash Rabbah 93:2).

Why did the brothers consider Yehudah and Yosef to be kings? We must examine what kingship is. We are accustomed to calling a person who rules a country with many subjects under his jurisdiction a king … when he rules over them with the help of his government officials police officers and soldiers.… It is said about such a king that “there is no king without a people ” and since his servants give him the kingship and he relies on them … he becomes a servant to them (Rav Yosef Leib Bloch Shiurei Daas vol. 3 p. 301). 

I spent four months in slavery and no one but me knew about it. I continued getting up every morning and going about my day. But in truth I was in prison.

It all began with a few unpleasant words a woman said to me. I stoically kept quiet and tried to move on. But my strength turned out to be very fragile merely a thin veil for my all-too-turbulent and all-too-painful emotions.

The monster within reached frightful proportions. “She’s a terrible person!” the monster told me. “Intolerable. Egoistic. Heartless!” These thoughts coalesced into a mantra repeated morning afternoon evening and night. I could think of nothing but the injustice done to me. And that is how I became a slave to consuming anger to resentment to a burning desire for revenge even to hate.

Then I escaped. I fled my emotional cage and ran to speak with that woman. It wasn’t easy and it certainly wasn’t a calm smooth conversation. Whoever said it was easy to break free from prison?

But I did it.

I returned home feeling light as a feather in the wind free as a bird on the windowsill and fortunate as a prisoner who has just escaped captivity.

The monster had not given up easily. “She insulted you; let her come to you and seek forgiveness. Why lower yourself? Why do you need to understand her side? She has no valid side!” I ignored those voices and now I’m free. Free in the truest sense of the word.

As long as a person lives a life of only satisfying his material needs it becomes difficult for him to free himself from taking other people’s opinions into consideration. It is only natural for him to be guided by them. But when a person … acts with strength without concern for what others think then he can be considered like royalty. The less influence others have on him the greater his kingship will be.

To achieve this state a person must make himself king first and foremost over his immediate surroundings — i.e. over himself. When a person rules over the tens of thousands of forces and emotions within him using his pure intellect and not letting his actions be determined by his drives and desires then he will be a king whose word the people will follow.

Yosef and Yehuda were kings over themselves. As the Midrash states “Why did Yehudah ascend to greatness? Because he confessed about the incident with Tamar.” The emotional courage and strength Yehudah displayed when he could have covered up his role in the matter was strength of a royal quality and that made him fit to be the king … Mashiach ben David will come from him.

The emotional strength and determination which Yosef displayed when he was faced with the test of Potiphar’s wife were the “royal mannerisms” visible in him. Mashiach ben Yosef will be his descendant. (ibid.)

Even if I will not be a queen forever I can be a queen for one evening — just one evening of total self-control and overcoming negative inclinations. Or even for one hour or one moment. That moment may change the rest of my life.