“Reuven heard and he saved him from their hands” (Bereishis 37:21).

In contrast to the other brothers who didn’t feel there was any sin involved in the sale of Yosef we can learn from Reuven who didn’t take part in the sale. This was the same Reuven who’d been a king among the brothers and whose position had been displaced by Yosef.

When the brothers decided to kill Yosef what would anyone else have done in Reuven’s position? Reuven had every justification to be angry at Yosef and even if he’d remained passive and not participated in the sale it would have been righteous of him. Yet the Torah says Reuven actively did something “to save him from their hands to return him to his father.”

…. Once he had been the bechor and the leader of the household. Anyone else in Reuven’s place would have left it to someone else to make the effort to save Yosef. But Reuven did not act out of a desire for honor. He acted because there was no one else to do it. Even though he had lost his status [because of Yosef] he rose to the occasion and helped them. That is what it means to be one of the shevatim. 

Last night after the bedtime ritual was over; dinner had been served homework had been done and showers had been taken I kept urging my teenaged daughter to go to sleep. But she dilly-dallied and ended up going to sleep very late. This morning she could barely open her eyes. At the very last minute she finally crawled out from under her covers. She was late but she simply could not be late. The entire family was made aware of that. She needed to get her stuff together and somebody had to prepare her sandwiches. And could someone please bag her some cereal so she could eat breakfast on the way out the door?

I recalled how I had ordered begged pleaded and commanded her to go to sleep last night. “Do it yourself ” I wanted to tell her. “And if you don’t have time — tough luck.”

There are many times in life when we are 100 percent right. We are perfectly all-too justified.

How many times did you tell your son that the neighbor he so likes to play with is no match for him? But once again the gullible little fellow took off with his collection of toy cars to play at his house. He returned quickly enough banged up in the head usually with one or more toy car missing. What’s your instinctive response? “I told you so. Now you’ll have to suffer the consequences.”

If Reuven hadn’t been acting for the sake of Heaven he would have let things be. But Reuven acted because his conscience demanded that he act. And so he didn’t neglect his responsibilities.

Yes our children make mistakes. They fail to listen to us. They make us angry and frustrated.

But right now my son needs me. He’s crying. He’s sad. He feels wrongly done by. Who else but me can wipe his tears away? Who can smile at my teenage daughter and lovingly prepare her sandwiches before she leaves for a long day at school? Only me.

My husband needs my validation of a hard day at work when he walks through the door. True he forgot to buy the celery I had asked for and he thoughtlessly muddied the floor with his heavy galoshes. But right now only I can give him the sense that he’s needed and that he’s looked up to at home.

Later on I’ll reprimand my kids and tell them what they did wrong and how they should do better next time. When things have quieted down I’ll tell my husband how I feel about the forgotten celery and the annoying muddy tracks.

But right now there is no one else who can answer their pleas for help.

Right now I will be Reuven and I will be the one to save Yosef.