“And the tzarua who has the blemish — his clothes shall be torn and his hair shall grow wild … ” (Vayikra 13:45)

Akavya ben Mahalallel testified to four things. They said to him “Akavya retract the four things you said and we will make you the head of a beis din for the Jewish people.” He said to them “It would be better for me to be called a fool all my life and not be a wicked person before Hashem even for one moment ” so people wouldn’t say he recanted in order to be given a position of prestige. (Eiduyos 5:6)

The joyous smile of a four-year-old radiates from the photograph.

She wanted to be a baby for Purim: a sleeper pacifier and a bottle. And taken to preschool in a stroller. But I was embarrassed. My little girl wearing pajamas while her friends wore glittering gowns? What would the teacher say? What would my neighbors say?

I gave in to her request. And she went to preschool with her bottle pacifier and stroller surrounded by brides princesses butterflies and strawberries.

Now that the costumes have been long been packed away my worries seem small and insignificant. It doesn’t matter what anyone thought. My daughter’s smile remains.

So many times I know very well the right thing to do. Know it understand it and … can’t do it. My hands feel tied. Tied by my neighbors; my coworkers; the people at the bus stop in the grocery store and everyone else.

Yesterday I should have protested when something inappropriate was said. But I remained silent.

Last week a friend who was feeling down asked to come to my house. I knew it would be a chesed but my house was a wreck. I refused.

Next week I have a wedding. I know I shouldn’t buy the outfit I’m fingering but I simply must. It’s the perfect look.

If I listen to the whispers of my conscious people might raise their eyebrows. They might think I’m unsophisticated unkempt negligent that my children are poorly raised that I’m too religious not religious enough too serious not serious enough not likable …

And therefore?

I don’t know.

Our Sages teach that tzara’as comes upon a person for the sin of lashon hara and haughtiness. It’s a Divine punishment for a sin that occurs in a moment ... the Heavenly Court has mercy on him and expunges his sin in This World with the blemish of tzara’as.

This person is immediately cut off from his house his livelihood and his social life. Then the shameful ordeal of letting his hair grow wild and having to call out “Impure! Impure!” He’s separated from society until his wound heals sometimes until the day of his death.

Even once the tzara’as is healed he still must endure the process of purification also degrading … and the shame and embarrassment may leave a lifelong mark. All from a moment of lashon hara. That it’s better to be called a fool throughout one’s life and not be wicked for one moment before Hashem is easier to understand when examining the punishment of the metzora. (Rav Yechezkel Levenstein Mofes HaDor)

The words of other people their thoughts about us — all these dissipate with incredible swiftness. Who even remembers those moments? Who cares what others think? The mitzvah the resistance to the temptation to sin — that is an unforgettable eternal accomplishment. That mitzvah is mine forever.

In practice we live the complete opposite of this truth. Each of us lives in whatever way is most comfortable; the fear of disrespect makes us willing to sacrifice our souls. The question of “what will people say” dictates our lifestyles in the most overt way and because of that fear we enter a situation of lifelong wickedness just for the sake of not being called a fool even for one moment (ibid.).

There’s a picture on the refrigerator of a smiling little girl in a sleeper.

Remember I tell myself. Remember how small  is a moment and how long is eternity.