“You are children to Hashem your G-d” (Devarim 14:1).

One Shabbos I visited my master and teacher Rav Moshe Rosenstein ztz”l the mashgiach of the Lomza Yeshivah. I found him testing a child on Chumash. I asked him “Whose child is this?” He whispered in my ear “He is a child of Hashem.” Seeing I was surprised at his reply he said “If I’d told you he is Chaim’s son or Shmerel’s son you’d know who he is. So why is it that if I tell you he’s Hashem’s son that doesn’t tell you who he is?”

This is the approach to Jewish children that a rosh yeshivah teacher or mechanech must have — that he or she is teaching the children of the King of kings the Holy One Blessed be He as the pasuk states “You are children of Hashem your G-d.” (Darkei Musar Rav Yaakov Neiman)

The first time I called her name in class I smiled at her but she simply gazed at me with a stony expression. All right Sarah I thought you don’t have to be cheerful and friendly from the start. Every child warms up at her own pace.

It’s been a long time since that moment and I no longer harbor that sense of hope. Sarah tries very hard not to be friendly. Her expression always broadcasts messages of “Don’t talk to me” “Don’t try to teach me ” “Don’t think I care about you ” and “Don’t even look at me.”

But I do look at her. I try to find a window she’s left open so I can get in. I have no doubt there’s some opening in the formidable defenses that make up her personality. But every time I find one she closes it so quickly I find myself groping in the dark.

If I extend a helping hand she roughly pushes it away. If I set boundaries she rebels against them with unconcealed pleasure. Everything I say insults her. And she’s never ever happy.

Finally I give up.

Just as a person must observe the directive of “I have placed Hashem before me always” he must also constantly have in mind that he is teaching Torah to the children of the King of kings Hashem Himself. This frame of mind will give him patience for his students and he will treat them in a completely different way knowing he’s teaching Torah to the child of the King. (ibid.) 

But wait — if a royal princess was in my class would I give up so easily? Even if the princess was so difficult?

Sarah is a princess as well. Deep inside beneath the veneer of rebellion that envelops her resides a noble princess a daughter of Hashem — neither a lost cause nor a provocateur or an impossible child but a daughter of Hashem. And her Father loves her more than I can imagine. He has compassion for her and He is beside her more than I will ever sense. He will see my efforts and He will help me to help her.

They say that when the Alter saw a bochur from his yeshivah having difficulty with his studies he would fast for that bochur to succeed in learning. This is how it should be when a person understands he’s teaching a child of the King. If a teacher has this perspective then “As a face is reflected in water ” the child’s soul will feel an attachment to his teacher and that will make the education truly effective. (ibid.).

At home as well we parent must remember that our little ones returning from school are princes and princesses children of Hashem. Such an approach can transform our parenting.

“Sarah” I whisper to myself “Sarah you are a princess of Hashem and you have been sent to me as a gift. From now on you are more than just a bundle of problems requiring staff meetings psychological intervention firm discipline and diagnostic evaluations. Deep inside you have an exalted Divine image a ticket that will gain you admission to the highest place in the world.”

Sarah my princess I may not be able to see this all at once but I promise to try.