“And Hashem said to Moshe … ’Avenge’ … And Moshe sent them … and Pinchas the son of Elazar the Kohein to the army”

(Bamidbar 31 1-6)

The Yalkut points out a question: If Hashem commanded Moshe himself to “avenge” how could Moshe send an emissary?

However Moshe decided that because he was raised in Midyan it would be unjust if he personally would inflict pain upon those who helped him.

Yet the question remains strong. How could Moshe refuse a direct commandment from Hashem simply because of gratitude?

We see that Moshe understood that due to the tremendous obligation of hakaras hatov Hashem’s commandment to “avenge” really meant “to avenge via an emissary.”

(Sichos Mussar Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz Essay 32 5732)

The lady sitting beside me on the bus is not pleased. She’s clutching her handbag tensely and her whole demeanor exudes frustration.

“The driver was so inconsiderate” she gripes. “And the air-conditioning is not working well. I really should complain.” And because she really should she does just that.

This past week they’ve added a new line to our regular bus service. It’s a line that was finally approved after years of repeated requests innumerable hours and endless energy on behalf of the many community members who were involved.

Everyone else on the bus is perfectly satisfied. They’re appreciative of the efficiency of this new route.

I happen to know that this new bus stops right in front of this lady’s house and is a real boon for her family personally. Yet it’s still not good enough for her as she’s convinced that she “must complain.” Doubtless she’s a real expert at complaining. I watched her in amazement as she spent the next half hour of the bus ride dialing several offices and speaking to various receptionists. Speaking is an understatement. She was shouting demanding and threatening.

How did Moshe know that Hashem meant for him to send a shaliach due to hakaras hatov?

When Hashem brought the Ten Plagues upon the Egyptians the plagues of dam tzfardei’a and kinim were initiated by Aharon and not Moshe as a result of the hakaras hatov Moshe was obligated to feel toward theNile and the dust of Mitzrayim. If one profoundly senses gratitude to his benefactor there’s no limit to his obligation to appreciate the favor.

It’s nice to give a present to someone who’ll recognize its value — who’ll compliment the gift instead of complaining about the wrapping paper.

The actual gift is irrelevant. It could be lending your pen to a stranger or lending a hundred thousand dollars toward a house. But the appreciation is immeasurable.

When Hashem commanded Moshe to return to Miztrayim to redeem his brethren he requested: “Allow me first to go to my father-in-law and ask permission to leave as he hosted me so I owe him this honor.” (Shemos Rabba).

Unfortunately we often stubbornly refuse to give gratitude as we rationalize: They didn’t do this for me! It was for their own benefit as well. Why do I need to feel grateful?

My mother-in-law rose each night to tend to her screaming newborn. She took him to the doctor ironed his shirts and poured out her heart in tefillah that he should develop into the man he is today. Did she do this for me? For her nameless faceless daughter-in-law who was still a pigtailed little girl at the time? No. She didn’t do it for me. Yet I’m still eternally grateful to her and I thank her. Not for her sake — for mine.

My husband does the shopping. For me. My daughter rolls up her sleeves and washes the dishes. For me. My neighbor planted new flowers that I see from my porch. Also for me.

One who benefits even indirectly from an act is obligated to recognize and appreciate his benefactor.

How bitter is the life of one who never identifies the good never appreciates all the benefits she receives. Her husband bought cucumbers instead of zucchini. Her daughter washed the dishes today but not yesterday. Her neighbor’s flowers are dripping on her porch.

Appreciation means stepping outside the strangling box called “Me” and seeing the goodness that abounds.

Hakaras hatov means appreciating how wonderful life is at each and every moment. And thanking Hashem for the zchus of living.