It’s with renewed pain that we approach the first yahrtzeit of our brothers Gil-Ad Naftali and Eyal Hy”d. In addition to the searing agony of reliving last year’s tragedy I’m experiencing another sense of loss. A year ago drawn together by mutual anguish the names of these three boys were on the lips of every Jew regardless of affiliation and custom. Has that achdus been lost as well? Is it only in times of turmoil that we can overlook superficial differences and focus on our shared mission? Are the flames of machlokes that were soothed by our unity last year reigniting?
This question was highlighted for me by a guest we recently hosted for Shabbos. Rav Meir Goldvich shlita grew up in Shaarei Chesed at a time when its narrow streets teemed with some of the greatest Torah giants of yesteryear.
My husband and I also merited living in Shaarei Chesed for close to five years and we still own a home there near Rav Shmuel Auerbach shlita.
As Rav Goldvich recounted tales of the neighborhood in its past glory I was immediately transported back to the old hovels that once stood in place of today’s luxury homes.
“The house next to yours once belonged to a son of the Chofetz Chaim!” related Rav Meir Goldvich. “At that time everyone recognized him and the community felt privileged to have him in their midst. One day he was absent from his minyan and shiur and no one had seen any of his family members in the streets.
“A visit to his home revealed that the apartment had been stripped of its meager contents. The ensuing investigation revealed that the family was now residing in the largely secular environs of Old Jaffa. A baffled community delegation rushed to seek an explanation for this surprising move.
“It seemed that there had been some discord within the neighborhood between Ashkenazim and Sephardim. ‘My saintly father advised me that if I ever find myself near machlokes I should run as far away as possible ’ the Chofetz Chaim’s son told them. ‘The moment I smelled a whiff of discord in your neighborhood I knew I had to move!’”

Is Machlokes Good or Bad?
The famous mishnah in Avos (5:17) defines a “machlokes l’Sheim Shamayim” as one that can endure. Such a concept of a “machlokes for the sake of Heaven” seems to introduce the possibility of a “good machlokes.”
The Maharal in his Derech Chaim explains that the root “ches-lamed-kuf” in “machlokes” means separation. The core of a “machlokes” is two opposites that can’t coexist. This is best represented in physics by fire and water. Each one is a power on its own but they cannot be combined.
The mishnah quotes the well-known machlokes between Hillel and Shammai as the quintessential machlokes l’Sheim Shamayim. These two protagonists often posited opinions in halachah that were diametrically opposed. Yet each side had basis as the Gemara in Eiruvin (13b) tells us: “Both of these are the words of the living G-d.” Obviously this is how Hashem wanted His Torah to be disseminated as generations later those disputes are still thriving; hence a machlokes l’Sheim Shamayim.
What distinguished the relationship between Hillel and Shammai? The Maharal stresses that although both had differences within halachic thought and action neither bore ill will toward one another.
We’re a nation composed of individuals who together make up the entity called Klal Yisrael. If one individual denies the validity of another’s right to existence — that type of machlokes brings destruction.

Different but the Same
In his Emes L’Yaakov Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky highlights the beauty described in parshas Bamidbar as Klal Yisrael camped in the desert. Each tribe flew its flag with its symbol and colors firmly encamped around the glow of the Mishkan. We see from here says Rav Yaakov that Torah doesn’t recommend a lack of machlokes altogether. Every faction in Klal Yisrael has its unique colors and customs. The differences only highlight the unity that’s present when we all embrace the same Torah.
As a long time Journeys fan I’m drawn to the song “Sfashkenaz” that Abie Rotenberg spins about two unlikely neighbors in Boro Park: Kalman a Satmar chassid and Rachamim from Holon. Their differences seemed irreconcilable so each decided “I’ll ignore him and he’ll ignore me.”
Yet one fine Shabbos status quo changed as they overheard one another singing the same zemiros. They realized they were both echoing the same sentiments in their song “Kah Ribon Olam” — Hashem is the Master of the world! Our unified love of Hashem and His Torah is our Mishkan that we encircle with our current flags and colors.

Different and Wrong
Yet what if I truly believe that others are not just different but wrong?
Mrs. Ruchama Shain’s stories — which I read avidly growing up — portray her father’s legendary passion for emes. Rav Yaakov Yosef Herman was the lone protester at Orthodox shuls and social events holding high a placard stating: “Jewish Men and Women Do Not Dance in Public Together.” Never well received he often instigated the ire and rowdiness of the crowd.
Does this action challenge our beliefs in a “good machlokes”? Do we view Rav Herman as a zealous rabble-rouser?
Rav Shimshon Pincus in his commentary on parshas Korach focuses on the example the Mishnah describes as a “bad” machlokes — Korach and his alliances. He points out that the dispute is entitled “Korach and his alliances ” but has no mention of the “other side” — Moshe Rabbeinu.
The pejorative of negative machlokes explains Rav Pincus cannot be confused with kana’us or zeal for emes. One who defends Torah values and acts within the parameters of Torah is not a Korach. Rather he’s advocating for emes like the great Pinchas or our modern-day Rav Herman.
The defining factor in recognizing the validity of a machlokes often becomes visible at the end. While Moshe Rabbeinu defended his position we see his humility as opposed to the raging emotions of his antagonists. The midrash tells us that Moshe said to Hashem “If Korach and his men die naturally in their beds then I will succumb and say ‘Hashem didn’t send me.’” Moshe wasn’t blindly claiming he was right. Instead he admitted he felt correct within the parameters of Torah. However if Hashem showed him that Korach didn’t deserve punishment then he’d relinquish his claim. Moshe knew that l’Sheim Shamayim cannot be preserved if personal passion promotes unlimited levels of machlokes.
Obviously if one can resolve a machlokes by proving the emes that’s ideal. However a person must realize that if despite his convictions he cannot successfully prove his point then says Rav Pincus “there’s a definite prohibition in continuing the machlokes.”
We all may have neighbors friends or relatives who espouse different beliefs. Obviously it would be ideal to resolve these differences with the input of gedolei Torah. However Rav Pincus is clarifying the severity of one who insists on promoting conflict — if someone doesn’t want to hear there’s no mitzvah to continue explaining!

Connecting the Dots
Rav Shlomo Wolbe (Alei Shur 1:138) cites the Maharsha in Kesubos describing Betzalel’s handiwork on the Mishkan: “Betzalel knew how to combine the letters with which Hashem created the world.”
The operative words “hayah yodei’a — knew” is rooted in the word daas. Daas is the trait necessary to combine and create. Says Rav Wolbe Hashem presented the world to us with “outstretched opposing forces… a body and spirit heavens and earth.” It’s incumbent upon us to bring these forces together.
As I’ve mentioned before Rav Yaakov Hillel writes that women possess a special koach to “create lines of connection.”
We have so much to connect to within the relationships of our lives. From the mundane links of exchanging recipes to the invaluable bonds within family and friends. Each facet of every relationship is a separate part of a majestic whole if we can find the creativity to bring them together.
The Rambam relates in Mishneh Torah (Mamrim 1:4) that in the days of the Great Beis Din there was no machlokes in Yisrael. That reality is hard to imagine and even harder to strive for.
Yet as we saw last year we can come together for the purpose of pouring out our hearts to Heaven. Let’s hope that in the merit of these three holy neshamos we can join together ultimately in the Geulah bimheirah.

Rebbetzin Aviva Feiner is the rebbetzin of Congregation Kneseth Israel (The White Shul) and menaheles of Machon Basya Rachel Seminary both in Far Rockaway.

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