Now she should invite Kayla to join her and her friends for their precious slice of vacation together? To tag along with them, hours and hours in the car, on the bus. To sit and talk on and on about the scientific theory behind snow tubing or the way that chlorine is used to make the water in the water park hygienic for use.

The answer is no, and she hopes Ma realizes that by her utter silence: that day, the next, all week. When she talks to her friends, she doesn’t mention a word. Ella’s still busy making plans, Tzippy’s laughing at her to chill — “My sister doesn’t know yet if she’ll be able to drive us, but c’mon, we have five days still, relax” — and Shoshana actually looks tentatively happy again.

There’s no way Mimi’s gonna rock the boat when they’re finally hitting calmer waters. Not for Kayla. Not for anything.

It’s a habit by now, coming home from school, dumping her books out on her desk, lining them up in order of priority. Mimi sifts through the pile, looking for something easy to start with. She spent a whole entire day in school; who needed this, anyway?

She can’t focus.

Her limbs itch to move, to run, to break free of everything, even for just a short time.

Ahhh…. It’s Wednesday. Her body knows. Even though she hasn’t been to gym in two weeks.

Books or gym. Homework or layouts. Oh, what’s the question?

Mimi dives for her closet. With a burst of speed, she digs out her gym bag, zippers up a warm jacket, and heads out to the place where she belongs.

She’d hoped to slip in unnoticed, slide back into things, but of course eagle-eyed Tova is having none of it. Right after warm-ups, she comes up behind Mimi, startling her off-balance.

“You missed class,” she says, glowering down at Mimi as if this is school or something.

Mimi hops to her feet. It’s bad enough being confronted by a grim-faced coach, she may as well be standing at eye-level.

“I couldn’t make it,” she says, shrugging.

“Couldn’t make it.” Tova crosses her arms and purses her lips. “And you couldn’t do warm-ups or exercises and stuff either, I take it?”

Mimi’s eyes fly wide open. “How — how do you know?”

“It’s obvious,” Tova tells her. “You’ve regressed. You were top of this class and now…” She waves a dismissive hand.

Half of her brain registers the back-handed compliment, and the other tries to think of something to say.

“I… was busy,” she mumbles, when nothing witty comes to mind.

“Busy.” Tova lets the word drop like it’s something distasteful. “Listen, Mimi, you don’t need to make excuses to me. This isn’t about me, y’know. It’s about you, if you’re gonna give it all you’ve got and achieve what you can achieve. Because there isn’t anyone who can make your choices or actualize your potential except for you.”

She spins around and strides off, leaving Mimi wondering what, exactly, that speech was all about.

And why Tova thought she had any choice in the matter.

Her shins are aching. Actually, her arms and ankles too. Everything, in fact.

The walk home isn’t that long, but today it feels like forever. Apparently, the exercises she should’ve done every day really made a difference. Oh, well.

It’s not as if it had really been a choice. Not with her parents pushing her to give up gymnastics entirely. What did Tova know, anyway? What did she know about doing exercises that feel pointless, about coming to class just to wonder if it’s going to be the last time?

What does she know about struggling, about trying desperately to climb an Everest-sized mountain of schoolwork without any equipment?

Angry tears spring to Mimi’s eyes, and she dashes them away. If her parents want her to do better, maybe they should get someone who can actually help—

Oh.

Right.

Kayla.

Mimi takes a deep, long breath, trying to steady herself.

She thinks of her classmates, one by one, asking for Kayla’s help with their work, with studying. She thinks of the Chumash makeup test, and the way Kayla explained the material, doggedly repeating it until even Mimi felt confident that she could pass.

If taking Kayla’s help is the price she has to pay for getting her life back — for getting on top of all the work, making time to exercise, being able to go to gymnastics breathing freely, knowing that she has a handle on her homework and studying…

Maybe it isn’t such a bad idea, after all.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha Jr., Issue 915)