I once heard a story about a particular man who was really going out of his way to make the life of his married child miserable. Interfering in every which way to make shalom bayis problems. The couple went to their rebbe and told over the stories. The rebbe said “He is not evil he is just so deeply selfish that it appears as if he is evil.”

I personally have a big problem sorting out if someone is good or not. I’m not easy just labeling any Jew as “bad.”

One of the great things about comic books is that it’s very clear who’s the bad guy and who’s the good guy. Because one is all bad and one is all good. No bones about it.

I learn a lot from these kinds of things. When I see someone with “not the best middos” blown into full proportion I stay far away.

The problem is when it gets tricky — like this guy does this and this “bad” but also that and that “good.”

He gives a million dollars a year to tzedakah and cries if someone’s sick but doesn’t pay his workers on time and makes them beg for their money.

Is he a good guy or a bad guy?

There is a story of a boy whose mother handled shidduchim for him but in the end the boy had to get someone else to choose his dates. Because every time he asked his mother about a prospective girl she’d met his mother said “She’s was sweet but I think almost everyone is sweet. That’s why I have a problem making shidduchim.”

I believe the Baal Shem Tov was called that because he was the master of finding the good. Giving everything a good name. How we label something is how we see it.

There’s an old saying that “you are what you eat.” I believe that as in the case of the Baal Shem Tov you are also what you see. If you see the good it’s good. If you see bad it’s bad.

We once had a washing machine repairman come to us when we lived inBaltimore. He wasn’t Jewish. I open the door for him and my husband shows him to the washing machine in the basement. When my husband comes back from the basement I say “Did you notice anything unusual about the repairman?” My husband says “You mean that he looks and walks exactly like a crab?” I say “You see that too?”

Finally the repairman comes up from the basement and before he leaves he and my husband have a short friendly chat by the front door. The repairman asks my husband “How old do you think I am?”

My husband who’s usually great at guessing ages says “About 30?”

The repairman laughs and says “I’m 65.” Then he tells my husband “You know my secret?” My husband shakes his head.

“I eat only crab meat” the repairman says proudly. “Only crab meat” he repeats.

Since then my husband and I have really taken to heart the “you are what you eat” saying. Now add you are what you see and what you do.

Take Shabbos for example. The day of rest and peace. A taste a tenth of the World to Come. We refrain from this and that. Indulge in this and that. One of the general rules of Shabbos is that we are not allowed to remove the bad from the good but only the good from the bad. In this way we practice the ways of finding the good. We take the fish from the bones not the bones from the fish. This way we have no bones.