But over the last couple of months, I’ve been feeling like we need a little extra tefillah koach around here. So I got bigger and brighter stickies, set reminders that don’t leave me alone until I mark them as done, and I enlisted my whole family to nudge me with a “Did you say Nishmas yet?” with alarming (and kind of annoying) consistency.

Since I’m writing this immediately upon finishing my 100th Nishmas, I’d say it actually worked.

When I started, I think I was ready to receive all the yeshuos you kind of expect to get when you stick to Nishmas. I mean, the stories out there of people’s lives turning around not even halfway through a 40-day cycle are abundant. I wanted that too. I wanted to say, hey look! My Nishmas miracle totally showed up right on time! Cue the confetti and cupcakes, please.

But then that long-awaited Day 40 arrived, and I was still chronically ill (yeah, I tend to ignore the chronic part). Our finances still felt very unreliable. All the little things I whispered to Hashem with my whole soul every time I say Nishmas were still hanging around.

I think you probably already figured out that even as I write this on Day 100, that shiny box of neatly packaged fulfilled hopes and dreams hasn’t yet arrived on my doorstep the way I wished for in the quietest part of my heart.

But I did gain some perspective.

Namely, that Nishmas itself isn’t the source of yeshuos.

But it is a lightning rod.

There’s a surge of Divine connection that comes from the woman who reaches for her siddur, opens it up, and has a real conversation with Hashem, one that allows her to truly see His hand in all aspects of life.

It happens when she takes a minute to recognize and internalize that there is a true rhyme and reason for every blade of grass in a field and every drop of water in the ocean — and that the path she is on is no less Divinely orchestrated, down to the very smallest detail.

I’m super aware that this realization is not profound or new in any way, but today, it felt like such a timely hug from Hashem.

My record-breaking Nishmas cycle hasn’t failed me. It has set me up, day by day, to realize with clarity that things aren’t “going wrong.” They’re exactly as He said they should be.

The goal of this unbroken chain of heartfelt tefillos isn’t to solve all my life’s challenges. The point is that it’s shaping me into the person who can take them in stride. And I’m ready to do that because line by line, Nishmas has given me the words I need to express my gratitude to the Creator Who gave them to me with love.

So no, this isn’t about how I got a big, sparkly Nishmas moment.

It’s about saying thank You, Hashem, for giving me 100 of them.

Day 101, here I come.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 976)