New vistas, old friendships

I

had a wedding in Lakewood, and I wasn’t interested in driving there alone. A neighbor had mentioned that she and her husband were planning to visit their children in — surprise, surprise — Lakewood, and they offered me a ride. But, my neighbor explained, they wouldn’t be returning to Brooklyn that night.

“Not a problem,” I assured them. “At such a large wedding, there’ll be other guests heading back.” Plus, there was the intercity bus, operated under frum auspices, as a backup plan.

It was a lovely simchah. When it was time to think about my return, I looked around for familiar faces. There were several — but they were no longer Brooklyn residents. Still, I’m an optimist. I was certain I wouldn’t have a problem getting back to my home and hearth.

Sometime during the second dance, I thought it might be a good idea to check the bus schedule.

Last bus to Brooklyn: 7:15 p.m.

What?

The party had hardly begun. And 7:15 was long past; that ship had sailed hours earlier.

My ever-optimistic cells were considering recalibrating to mild concern, possibly panic. I really couldn’t find a way home. So at 11:15 p.m., I called a friend, now a Lakewood resident.

Fortunately, she was still awake. “We’d love to host you sometime soon and catch up. How about this Shabbos?”

“Well,” I replied, leaning on years of friendship, “how about a bit sooner? In, like, about fifteen minutes from now?” There was a momentary silence. But those years of friendship came to the fore — most of my friends are my friends because of their measurement on the “chilled” measuring stick.

“Of course. That would be great. I’m pretty certain that there’s linen on the beds in the guest room.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, saved from a night in the rapidly emptying catering hall. (It is a school by day, and greeting the children at arrival was nowhere on my bucket list.)

Another now-Lakewood friend offered me a ride, and though midnight isn’t my ideal visiting moment, my hostess seemed really happy to see me.

I did not have a housewarming gift. In fact, I had absolutely nothing except my charming evening bag with the sequins and lipstick. Graciously, my friend lent me some personal items, and I exhaled and thanked the One Above for finding me a solution.

The next morning was delightful! My friend proudly showed me around her new home and neighborhood as she graciously drove me to the bus, which would take me to my home in “the old country.” After the unexpected visit, I discovered a new facet to our relationship. Our phone conversations have become more regular, our relationship more similar to the one we shared when we were geographical neighbors. I now know where she is sitting when we speak — I can see her kitchen and envision her route when she tells me she is going out to shop. That visual sharing strengthens the bond we had, creating the sense of closeness we’d had while living within a short distance of each other.

As friends and acquaintances transition to new locations, keeping in touch has become a priority. The One Above has guided me to discover an important and valuable tool for maintaining relationships built over many decades of shared living.

Visiting my former neighbors and friends in their new physical locations requires an investment in time and energy, but reaps much reward, retaining the bonds built over decades.

They are exploring new vistas, creating new chapters, but the foundation of our early lives together is still strong.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 974)