Yom Kippur is a yearly reminder that anything is possible when we involve Hashem

In His kindness Hashem renews our contract every year at this time. “Let’s clear the debts” He says. “You can start fresh. Just show true regret and tell Me whatever you need Me to remove from the file. You’ll have a clean slate.” What a relief! A new beginning with the promise of a better year to come.

Hashem’s way of dealing with us conveys an important lesson. By offering us an annual process for cleansing and renewal He shows us that we are never trapped by our past actions and choices. Clearly He wants us to be optimistic to maintain hope that this year can be different and better.

Having reminded ourselves just ten days ago that Hashem runs the world and that there are no “natural” events we can now rely on His supernatural intervention; He can fix that which we cannot fix by ourselves. He can remove the scars of our past misdeeds even though no human being can rewrite history. He can help us climb heights that we cannot climb alone. With Hashem on our side anything is possible.

Difficulties in Family Life

This is good news because it frees us from the tyranny of statistics logic and human calculations. It allows us to pray with fervor knowing that Hashem can step out of all worldly constraints to provide us with “spontaneous remissions” of family difficulties. Even if we must wait a bit we can remain confident that positive changes can occur no matter what our human friends tell us.

Take the true case of my client “Brachah.” She divorced her abusive husband “Yehudah” ten years ago. However her ex-husband continued to make her life miserable in every way that he could. The post-divorce conflict affected the children negatively and Brachah had to deal daily with their emotional and behavioral difficulties. Friends assured Brachah that Yehudah would always be the same — once an abuser always an abuser. But then a “miracle” occurred: changes in Yehudah’s life transformed him and he suddenly became a true mentsch! Dealing with him became pleasant and easy; the children’s mental health dramatically improved. The nightmare was finally over.

Interestingly Brachah was not surprised. She knew that Hashem could do anything and she felt that Yehudah’s personality change came directly as a result of her sincere prayers. She placed her hope in Hashem and was rewarded with results outside the realm of statistics.

Surpassing Limitations

None of us need to be surprised or shocked by sudden help from Above. It’s all in a day’s work for Hashem. We simply need to be constantly aware of Hashem’s unlimited power to assist us. This means that He can change those around us — challenging spouses parents children — and he can change us as well.

Michal is an emotional woman. Her mother had a terrible temper and although Michal hated being on the receiving end of it she ended up being much the same type of parent. It makes sense really: Michal never saw a normal way of handling family challenges; she just copied her mom. There was one significant difference however. Michal knew that her anger was harming her children. She wanted to stop yelling once and for all.

Despite the admirable resolution she could not do it. Like a dieter with no resolve she always resorted to yelling when the going got rough. Still Michal knew that Hashem could solve this problem for her and in addition to the conscious effort she applied to the problem she turned to Hashem every Yom Kippur in contrition and desperation. “Help me please Hashem! I can’t do this myself! Do it for me!”

And then seemingly “out of the blue” Michal came across a book that changed her life. Hashem has many ways of delivering messages and Michal recognized His Hand in this case. She had simply overheard someone in a store talking about the book. Had she been there one minute earlier or two minutes later she would have missed the conversation. But it was her time. Hashem sent her the exact refuah that she needed. Moreover He opened her heart and soul to allow the information to penetrate and heal. She was permanently transformed.

Partnering with Hashem

Do people ever change? Statistics show that people’s personalities are fairly consistent over the course of their life span. Fortunately Jews are not bound by statistics. We have Yom Kippur — the day that Hashem lets us know that He can and will help us and our loved ones change. Because we know that it is only a matter of time we can relax in the confidence that Hashem will answer our prayers and things will get better.

Our positive attitude will help fuel positive changes within and around us. Cynicism and pessimism will find the doors of our psyche solidly locked. Our trust will be rewarded with increased harmony at every level.