Tips for parenting and elevating during Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur

Tapping Into Teshuvah

I’ve heard from Rabbi Brezak that a mother’s form of teshuvah is working on herself that day. Every time I am calm, hold back from yelling, and stay patient, that is my teshuvah and my avodah of the day.

L.F., Neve Yaakov, Israel

Mindful Moments

Carve out small increments of time for the things that help you connect to the Yom Tov. Five minutes of quiet reflection, a honey cookie enjoyed with a hot tea before bed, a boo k of stories related to the Yamim Noraim. Whatever it is, be intentional about it so a little can go a long way.

S.M., Monsey, NY

A Bedtime Tefillah

When I spent my day taking care of my children instead of in shul I would look up to Hashem and say, “I hope I fulfilled my tafkid today and brought You nachas.” I especially did this at Ne’ilah on Yom Kippur, when I was doing bedtime and not in shul, crying into my siddur.

Now that I can be in shul the whole time, I do appreciate being there — it’s another stage. I promise your siddur is like an old best friend — it’s always there to pick up where you left off.

D.G., Far Rockaway, NY

Babysitting Buddy

My neighbor and I would arrange to watch each other’s children so we could each have a couple of hours at shul.

M.B., Passaic, NJ

Real Food and Real Davening

On Rosh Hashanah, have real food available to give your kids before the meal (and before they melt down!). I keep schnitzel or franks in blanks on the hot plate all day.

I never know if and how much I’ll be able to daven during the day, but I make sure to daven Maariv, even if I’m exhausted and just want to fall asleep on the couch.

Z.K., Israel

Toy Swap

Trade toys with a friend — that way, your kids have something new to play with, but you don’t have to buy new toys every Yom Tov.

H.M., Waterbury, CT

Divide and Conquer

I like to treat Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur with the advice I give kallahs for their wedding day: “Divide and conquer.” If a kallah tries to greet guests, be with family, and have private davening time all at once, she ends up doing none of it well. The same is true for young mothers on the Yamim Noraim.

Make space for yourself beforehand — go to sleep early, wake up before your kids, and carve out a quiet pocket of time to daven or reflect. Then, when your children are awake, be fully present with them without trying to juggle both roles at once. Instead of holding a siddur in one hand and reading to a child with the other, focus fully on whichever role you’re in at the moment.

Divide and conquer — give yourself time for tefillah and then time for your children.

Rebbetzin Dina Schoonmaker has been teaching in Michlalah Jerusalem College for over 30 years. She gives women’s vaadim and lectures internationally on topics of personal development.

Mess Management

A quick sweep after each meal makes a big difference. This keeps the crumbs and chocolate trails from spreading across the house. Try to enjoy the mess, keeping in mind that it’s the result of a lively, happy home and lots of brachah.

Yael Wiesner is an interior designer and professional organizer who offers professional organizing, interior design, and home management workshops.

Tehillim Time

Sneaking in time for the formal tefillos sometimes isn’t feasible, but I try to say Tehillim throughout the day — this way, I’m focusing and connecting to the awesomeness of the Yamim Noraim, but also giving myself the ability to pause and attend to my children’s needs.

D.S., Lakewood, NJ

Mindel’s Tips:

Find a friend (preferably with kids who are similar ages to your own) to spend the morning with while the men are in shul — this is especially helpful when fasting! I’m always a better mother when I have another competent adult around to support me, and the time passes much quicker when I am entertained.

Take one night in Elul to go through some of the davening that you plan to make time for on Yom Tov (a Shemoneh Esreh, Al Cheit, etc.). Make some notes or stick some Post-its in your machzor with things you want to keep in mind during davening. That way, even if you aren’t in the proper headspace when you have some davening time, you can look at your sticky notes and tap back into the clarity.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 960)