Tips for a better, happier, and more connected Purim

For the average mother of young children, Purim can mean mess, overwhelm, and not much fun. We’ve collected tips for a better, happier, and more connected Purim.

Obligations Met

I use Taanis Esther afternoon — when both my children and I are off — as an opportunity to deliver shalach manos to my close friends and my children’s peripheral, not-as-close friends. This way, on Purim day itself, I know my “social obligations” are met and we can focus on our children’s teachers, rebbeim, and close friends.

—MB, Passaic, NJ

Skip the Fighting

Give each child a designated bag for their mishloach manos so they don’t get mixed up and create arguments.

—Naomi Bass, Edgware, UK

Eat Early

A proper seudah of real food early in the day (for you and for your kids!), goes a long way.

—SML, Jerusalem

Small Treats

Prepare a small, appetizer-sized plate. As your shalach manos packages arrive, choose the items you love best and put them on your plate. When there is a quiet moment and/or after Purim, sit down and enjoy those chosen items, eat them slowly and mindfully, and acknowledge the opportunity to treat yourself. Lastly, pat yourself on the back for not completely restricting and depriving yourself, and then pat your back again for not mindlessly grazing or overstuffing yourself.

—Leba Friedman

Early Start

Even with a newborn or in my ninth month, I schlep myself out of bed to vasikin for davening and Krias Megillah, and it’s always worth it. The whole day feels different. It also avoids the stress of getting to Megillah once the hullabaloo starts and the doorbell starts ringing.

—ZBF, Long Island, NY

Take Time

Around 1 p.m., before the seudah, my husband makes sure to be home to watch the kids so I can lock myself in a room and daven a proper Minchah. Knowing that this special eis ratzon is not slipping through my fingers in a mess of cellophane and sugar makes me feel like I have utilized Purim for what is most important to me, and I am able to remain calm and unfazed through the rest of the “balagan.”

—MB, Givat Ze’ev

Dismantle the Mess

To avoid the mess (and a cranky mommy on Purim) disassemble the mishloach manos as they come. If a really outstanding mishloach manos comes that I think my family would appreciate seeing, I put it to the side. Anything standard, I dismantle. It may be sacrilegious but I find it keeps the mess (and stress) at bay.

—CZ, Jerusalem

Skip the Pic

Take your family picture on a calm day before Purim so it’s not a stressor on Purim day.

—CL, Phoenix, AZ

Mindel’s Tips

For younger children, get them costumes that are made of regular clothing. Think: Is this something that will make it easier or harder for me to change their diaper or take them to the bathroom? Avoid costumes that are borrowed and need to be returned in tip-top condition. Sometimes it’s worth buying/making your own costume so you’re not chasing the kids all day to be sure they aren’t ruining the gemach getup. And investing in your own costumes is great for future dress-up games!

I keep in mind something I learned years ago from Rabbi Brezak. Purim is a day of “ad d’lo yada.” How does this look for women? We can be “ad d’lo yada Mommies,” moms who can turn their eyes away and be as if they don’t have daas. When the kids want more candy, when I have no idea where my husband has run off to, when the house is covered in sticky and unknown substances — this becomes my grounding and relaxing thought.

Find some quiet time for a proper Minchah. You’ll be so grateful!

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 934)