A friend calls crying “I don’t accomplish anything in my life.”

“You don’t accomplish anything in your life?” I ask back.

Instead of listing her accomplishments — starting with holding a full-time high-level position in a major firm and marrying off all but her last child and going on with raising a family in Israel though she barely speaks Hebrew and doing constant chesed and counseling I remain silent waiting for the next part.

“I can’t make dinner” she sobs.

“Everyone in my family complains ‘You never cook’ ‘There’s never any food’ ‘Mommy doesn’t feed us.’ And when I finally get past the cold sweats and cook something they say ‘I don’t like that anymore ’ or ‘I don’t want to be fleishig.’

“So what’s stopping you?” I play coach.

“I just don’t have the time” she offers the foremost excuse. “And I can’t afford takeout.”

“Nope that’s not it; excuse number one and two out.”

She tries to rack up the next excuse: “Everyone likes something different and I don’t know what to make.” My friend starts to fade.

“What does Suri like?” I ask.

“Starches.”

“What does your husband like?”

“Proteins.”

“What do you like?”

“Whole wheat oat crackers and almond butter.”

“I see” I say.

“And I never know how much to spend. If I get too fancy my husband gets nervous and if I get too cheap I hear how carbohydrates are too fattening.”

“So when you think of making dinner you get completely paralyzed.” I paint the picture.

“And you hear all the voices and you see all the noses turning up.”

“Right” she laughs — we laugh.

“And then there’s no food because you can’t choose in the cacophony of negativity.”

“Exactly. How do you know?”

“I’ve visited there and still go back occasionally when I’m tired weak or feeling insecure ” I say honestly.

I start to think. Fact: People have to eat.

There are so many ways to do this. How much can a person afford in time as well as money?

A Yemenite woman once told me her secret to shalom bayis: “A pot of soup on the fire first thing in the morning.”

She didn’t say “When I put up three pounds of London broil and rice pilaf it’s calm.”

A pot of soup. Vegetable soup. A few lentils. Some rice or noodles inside.

As we see according to the Yemenite woman planning is essential. Hashem planned out the whole of Creation to serve us.

Not everyone needs to cook — there are peanut butter and jelly families that seem to flourish just fine.  

Another friend of mine has a young girl come to her for 20 shekels an hour to help her prepare the meals for the week. Another way to do it.

A full-time working mother can’t possibly burn the candle at both ends or else she burns out.

When my children were young I used to let them spill Legos and blocks — whatever — and even take out containers. I’d do an accounting. If those blocks and containers give me twenty-five minutes of time to accomplish something (or rest!) or do a chunk of a task and it takes me five to seven minutes to clean up then I’ve gained earned eighteen to twenty minutes. Yes I lost five — but I gained overall.

If a woman goes out to work eight to ten hours a day and she’s making $25000 a year then if $5000 goes to household help disposables a cook premade foods then she’s still gained $20 000 of which she wouldn’t have any if she stayed home and soaked and salted chickens herself.

As far as complaints or unsatisfied customers unfortunately there’s always going to be “that unhappy camper who hates flies hates heat hates the grass; it’s too hot it’s too cold. We can try our best to accomplish serving our family with kindness within our capacity.

There goes “Gourmet in Three Minutes.”

You see if a mother is feeling uncomfortable — an inner pressure — about her level of nurturing her family it’s a sign that she wants and feels the need to provide.

As the saying goes more than the calf needs to drink its mother needs to feed. More than the calf.