With so many strikes against him, how would my son find his bashert?

I

understood early on that it wouldn’t come easy. It’s one of those realities we all know but don’t discuss in polite company: The “alef” shidduchim come with yichus, money, looks, status, as well as middos, yiras Shamayim, and Torah learning. Then there are “sug beis” shidduchim, which are missing the full dose of one of the above. The rungs continue… And our family’s status on the market had a gematria in the double digits.

Deep down, I understood that Hashem runs the world. He is mezaveg zivugim, and I don’t need to take societal pressure too seriously. The hopeful voice and the fearful voice conversed endlessly in my head during the two decades between the birth of my oldest son and the day we began to actively look for his shidduch.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Even when he was very little, I’d daven that Yosef marry young, marry once, marry well, and build a beautiful family with a wife he’d enjoy growing old with.

Not long after his bar mitzvah, I told him, “Yosef, you know I love you dearly, and give you what I can. But the most important things in life are not things I can buy or give you. Learn Torah well, invest in your learning, build your middos, and make a good name for yourself.

“The time will come when you’re ready to build a home. People look for money, yichus, and Torah. Your shidduch will come in the zechus of your Torah, as I don’t have much to offer in the other realms.”

During his teenage years, Yosef had the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation with an adam gadol, who told him, “Learn well, and you will build a beautiful family.”

Yosef held on to that brachah, that promise, as one guards a precious treasure, and he learned well.

Yosef had always been one of the youngest in his class, and before I knew it, the boys in his yeshivah were getting married. One after another: engagement parties, aufrufs, weddings, sheva brachos. Yosef had to balance his learning schedule with his friends’ simchahs.

Because he had a way with words, he was often asked to speak at these joyous occasions. He always had a good vort and a kind word for his friends. I imagined that with so many people seeing his many strengths on many occasions, the shidduch ideas would come pouring in.

They didn’t.