Maybe things aren’t just going to go back to how they were. Maybe they never can

It’s the last day of school. Henny drives me. She graduated already, but she’s coming in to sort out some G.O. stuff or something. I’ve lost track of her multiple projects, to be honest.

The drive is quiet. I open the window, let the sweet June air fill the car. “Aaaahh,” I breathe.

Henny smiles. “You really are feeling a lot better,” she comments. “Listen, Libby, just a word of advice. Don’t talk to your friends about your diagnosis, okay?”

I haven’t, but her bossiness prickles at me. “Why not?”

She gives a long-suffering sigh. “Just because, okay? Your friends have heard enough about it, you don’t want them thinking of you as the sick girl, you want to go back to normal. And you can’t ignore the fact that you’ll be in shidduchim in a few years. Be careful, okay?”

I close my mouth. I want to be angry with her, but she might just be right.

School is flying; girls rushing around, books and papers all over, teachers valiantly trying to maintain order. There’s an insistent bell ringing for final assembly, we traipse down to the auditorium, and I find seats with Shana, Dina, and Chaviva. They’re a firm threesome by now, I feel awkward tagging along, not sure if they really want me there or just feel sorry for me. But I don’t have much choice.

I’m much better now, I comfort myself. Things will go back to normal with Shana, with everyone. Summer vacation’s coming, everyone’s gonna forget what happened, it’s gonna be fine.

“Two more hours is too long,” Chaviva says theatrically. “I mean, vacation, I’m literally packing for camp already….”

Shana laughs. “I know, right? Who has the patience for some guest speaker now?”

I’m quiet. I’m not going to camp this summer; vacation isn’t particularly enthralling, and my mind is a million miles from speakers and school. I wish I could join their conversation, make some funny comment or something, but I just have nothing to say.

The thought makes me sad, and it niggles at me. Maybe things aren’t just going to go back to how they were. Maybe they never can.