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ow many people attend your Purim seuda? 10? 20? 30? What’s it like to host a seuda with double or triple that number of guests? Four woman from across the globe share the nuts and bolts of how to host a seuda that rivals Achashverosh’s (or at least tries to) and still smile to tell the tale.

Faigele Bochner

Williamsburg, NY

How many people attend your seudah?

We’re more than 60 people — my parents, my seven siblings and their spouses, and about 50 grandchildren.

Where do you have it?

We do it at my mother’s house by default because she lives in Monroe and has a big place — it’s not even a question if it should be elsewhere! We used to put the men in the dining room and the ladies in another room, and the kids would be anywhere we could make place for them. Then a few years ago, we realized the men can be anywhere because they’re not moving, so we put the ladies in the dining room, which is adjacent to an open living room. It’s better, because between keeping an eye on the kids and the serving, the ladies are constantly moving.

What do you serve?

There’s not really a set menu. It’s a Yom Tov seudah, so we always have fish, soup, and stuffed cabbage, that’s traditional. Other than that, anything goes — whatever we want to make. The kids have the same, but smaller portions. Or if we make potato knishes, maybe we’ll bring a tub of mashed potatoes for them.

Do you serve dessert, or is the assumption that it’s unnecessary on Purim?

Of course there’s dessert. What’s a little more sugar at that point?

Who takes care of making the food?

Everyone makes something. So let’s say I bring knishes, someone else brings soup, and so on. The soup you can make a few days in advance and freeze. But certain things need to be made fresh, so those we’ll split between two people, because how many potatoes can you grate between Megillah and the seudah? And we also all serve. So there are a few ladies in the kitchen, doling out the food onto plates constantly, and there’s always a rotation coming with plates, going with food. Some of the older grandsons serve the men. Everyone is in charge of serving and feeding their own kids, because who’s going to serve them, my mother?

What do you serve on?

For the past few years, we’ve been doing paper, plastic, foam — whatever we can get the cheapest. We used to do real dishes, but when the meal was over, we couldn’t stay with the kids to clean, we had to get home, and we felt terrible leaving my mother with all the dishes. Now, it’s such a nachas — we couldn’t be happier! We finish, we throw out whatever’s on the table, the leftovers (there are always leftovers) my mother has for the week, and by the time we leave, the tables are clear.

Are there lots of decorations?

Nah, not really. My mother is a party person, so she’ll hang something from the chandelier, but it’s whatever moves her, there’s no real theme or official decorations.

What’s the drinking situation like?

There’s always wine for those who want. Some of my siblings live in Monroe, but a few of us are in Brooklyn and we have to drive back home, so the men who are driving don’t drink. Also, my father is very nervous — he says, “Get my grandchildren home safely and then do what you wan” — so the drinking is kept to a minimum. The meal is still merry, it’s jovial, everyone has a good time, but it doesn’t get too out of hand.

What do people wear?

The kids come in costumes, and maybe there’s a little competition between them, but it’s not organized. The costumes are their pride and joy, and unless it’s a huge elephant that they can’t sit or eat in, they keep the costume on.

How do you accommodate the kids and babies? What about entertainment?

We bring strollers, or babies are passed from lap to lap. For the older ones, there’s a table for them to sit, but really, they don’t stay put — they run all around the house. When we leave, there’s a trail of destruction. As for entertainment, if one of the men or grandsons is in the mood, we have something — a grammen, a skit. But otherwise, the men are singing, everyone is eating delicious food — that’s good enough for us!

Do people bring mishloach manos?

Some of my sisters or sisters-in-law package the food they made for the meal in a nice way and add a bottle of wine, so that’s their mishloach manos.

Is Purim the optimal time for a get-together?

Everyone mentions that every year — and I’m not kidding! — because the whole family is here, and you can’t even enjoy them. My mother usually plays one-on-one with the grandchildren, sits with them, prepares party hats, and gives them the grandest time. Come Purim, you can’t have fun with any of them. We get together and it’s chaos — any time you get together with so many people, that’s how it is. But we wouldn’t want to give it up!

What seudah stands out in your memory?

One year my nephew got married shortly before Purim, and the seudah was a sheva brachos in a shul nearby. We went out earlier in the day, so we had to pack costumes for the kids, the nitty-gritties like costume makeup, food and Shabbos-wear for the adults for the sheva brachos, PJs for the kids so we could let them fall asleep in the car on the way home and not have to change them at 2:30 in the morning when we got back, and all that. Then the car service we ordered to take us home at 1:00 was a no-show. After waiting 15 minutes, we got the oodles of stuff and ran to the catch the 1 a.m. bus, which was luckily running late, and got home at close to 3 a.m. with costumed, made-up, cranky kids.

But it was a very nice change of pace to go to an organized, clean shul. It was a lot more work than usual, but it was great, and the kids love rewatching the videos of the sheva brachos! We all agreed afterward, though, that nothing beats my mother’s chaotic, messy house with the grandchildren running around.

Barbara Stefansky

Mattersdorf, Jerusalem

How many people attend your seudah?

I seat about 50 people. I work in a seminary, so we have a bunch of the girls, and my sons — I have only boys — come with friends, the married ones with their families. Also my nieces and nephews, and other young couples we know.

Where do you have it?

In my apartment. We have a long living room, and the married couples sit at a table along the length of the wall, men on one side, women on the other. At one end of the room is a table for the single boys, and at the other end, a table for my girls from seminary. The women aren’t doing any dancing, but when the men dance, we put up tables as a mechitzah.

What do you serve?

Fancy and fleishigs. So the appetizer will be a good moussaka, sweet-and-sour tongue, or schnitzel roll-ups with pastrami. We serve chicken soup with kreplach for Purim, steak roll, a potato dish, different kugels — girl types and boy types — and lots of salads. Also, I have food out all day for the girls. They’re out visiting everyone, marching from one place to the next, and they’re usually hungry.

Do you serve dessert, or is the assumption that it’s unnecessary on Purim?

I like to make something lemony because after people drink, sweet doesn’t really sit well. So for the men, something like lemon ice cream, and for people who want, sweeter dessert like chocolate cream pies, mousse with cream, things like that.

Who takes care of the food?

I do. I like to cook, and I’m a big freezer person. Meats and anything that can go in the freezer, I like to make before because Purim is such a busy day. Some food I’ll prepare maybe the week before. Chicken soup I’ll make the day before and put it in the fridge — I don’t like to freeze that. Even something that needs to be made fresh, like moussaka, I’ll prepare it earlier with the sauce so all I have to do is pour it on and pop it in the oven the day of. That’s not a big deal, because I already did the part that takes time. As for serving, the girls help serve.

What do you serve on?

I don’t use china, absolutely not. The men are so excited — they’re dancing or standing and reaching across the table and knocking things over or jumping onto the table to give a dvar Torah. With china, I’d be concerned they’ll break it all, so I use paper or hard plastic. They can darshan all they want, and I don’t worry. The disposable works well. I bring the main in on platters, so no one has to lift their plate and the sauce isn’t leaking all over the place. And as the years went by, they developed better paper plates, so it’s not such an issue anyway.

Are there lots of decorations?

Oh, yes, we always put up balloons and crepe paper and sometimes those big helium balloons of Haman and Achashveirosh.

What’s the drinking situation like?

We don’t serve schnapps, we serve dry wine. The boys sometimes come with schnapps in their pockets, but they know we’re watching them. I don’t want people who are too drunk in my house! My sons used to act as bouncers — if someone looked too drunk, they wouldn’t let them in.

What do people wear?

The seminary girls aren’t supposed to come in costumes, but they might wear their hair in braids with freckles on their face. The boys come in costume. I have boys who have sewed their own costumes. It’s really great what they come up with — it’s as if they took a sewing machine and sewed the costume straight up their feet!

How do you accommodate the kids and babies? What about entertainment?

I have high chairs, I have booster seats, the fathers hold them on their shoulders when they dance. We have great grammen about Purim and about the people who are at the seudah, really entertaining, and there’s always singing and dancing.

Do people bring mishloach manos?

Yes. I don’t have much time to look at them as they come — too much is happening — so we put them in a separate room, and I look at them after the whole thing is over. At that point, it’s too late to recycle and get the stuff out of the house, and then we wonder, “Why is Purim so close to Pesach?”

Is Purim the optimal time for a get-together?

If you keep it under control, it’s nice. But really, I like to keep in mind that what Purim is the optimal day for is tefillah. I try to have everything ready so I can go to shul and daven with a minyan and hear Megillah with everyone.

Henna Milworn

Detroit, Michigan

How many people attend your seudah?

We’re 30 adults and about 30 kids. It’s usually different people year to year, but basically it’s new families in the community, some close friends, and my brother and sister-in-law, who host it with us and help hold down the fort and maintain sanity. We also have some people who drop in — my husband’s former graduate school classmates, some people we met at a photography session who we found out were Jewish, things like that.

Where do you have it?

In my house. We have an L-shaped dining room, so one end is men and one end is women. The den is right off the dining room, basically it’s an extension and it’s perfectly visible for the parents, so we set up in there for the kids. We move our furniture into the backyard, and if the weather is iffy, which it usually is in Michigan, we cover it with a tarp.

What do you serve?

Every year, I make challah napkin rings — they’re so pretty, and I save paper towel rolls all year so I can make them! The appetizer is something that can sit for a while, maybe like ambrosia, because people come staggered, so this way it can be on the table and we’re not running back and forth because it has to be served hot or right before you eat it — otherwise it gets soggy. The actual menu isn’t always the same. Let’s say this year, we have chicken fingers and franks in blanks, which are kid-friendly, and roast for everyone else. Sides are green beans, sesame noodles, salad, carrot muffins — everyone likes those! — and someone is making awesome doughless knishes.

Do you serve dessert, or is the assumption that it’s unnecessary on Purim?

We have a light one. Someone’s making chocolate chip muffins to serve with ice cream, and someone else is making fruit salad. Nothing too fancy — no individual mousse cups!

Who takes care of the food?

No one who comes is required to make food, I don’t even ask so they’re not pressured. If they offer, I ask, “What’s your signature dish?” so they can make something they enjoy making. As for serving, my sister-in-law and I handle it, and others pitch in.

What do you serve on?

Disposable, and we make it cutesy. Polka dots, festive colors, it’s a wacky fun look. The table looks pretty, but it’s not elegant.

Are there lots of decorations?

My kids and I make small clowns and a Happy Purim sign to hang on the walls.

What’s the drinking situation like?

Pretty much all the men get drunk. We put out all the bottles of dry wine we’ve collected through the year, stuff we got from guests that at the time we didn’t want but on Purim we’re really happy we have it. A lot of people bring their own alcohol because they have a preference. We put out tons of water so no one gets too sick. It’s not a disgusting situation, it’s not a wild, crazy party — it’s full of Torah and simchah, and it’s actually very inspiring. Some women say they don’t let their husbands get drunk because how will they get the kids home on their own? We tell them it’s okay, we’ll help them get home.

What do people wear?

A lot come in costumes, or if it’s not a full costume, they’ll do like my husband — a wig and colorful suit jacket.

How do you accommodate the kids and babies? What about entertainment?

Parents bring strollers, and I have four booster seats they use if they need. I have a very large basement with lots of toys, and I don’t go down to look — if I did, I’d probably collapse! At the meal, the kids simply love to watch the adults talking Torah, standing on chairs, being silly, and dancing. One thing we do that’s really nice is all the adults come with dollars and ask the kids questions, and if they answer correctly they get paid. It keeps the kids super-involved in the seudah!

Do people bring mishloach manos?

There are no rules, obviously, but some bring for us — they don’t always know the other people coming, so they don’t bring for them. And a lot of people bring their leftovers from that day to share.

Is Purim the optimal time for a get-together?

Of course! We grew up with it, so it’s ingrained — that’s what Purim is.

What seudah stands out in your memory?

None of them really stand out — they’re all fun! I remember Purim in Israel, though, when we’d go from one city to another to celebrate two days. That was nice.

Wendy Roth

Johannesburg, South Africa

How many people attend the seudah?

In the past, we got a lot; there were close to 200 Emmarentia Shul congregants who attended. However, people are aging, moving to aging homes, or passing away, and the community has been shrinking tremendously — a lot of the younger ones have either moved to other countries or other areas. We have a seudah during a lot of the chagim, and this is the only one former congregants can drive back in for, so this is our biggest seudah during the year. We get about 80 congregants and former congregants, which is really good for us. Maybe sometimes we’ll have visitors, too — we welcome anyone who wants to come with open arms! 

Where do you have it?

On the synagogue premises. We have a hall inside and we also use a bit of the outside porch, because the weather permits it. We’re in summer here.

What do you serve?

It depends. It’s usually a meat meal. Definitely some kind of chicken dish and meat dish, minestrone soup, a starch, a variety of salads. The meals are very nice and they differ from year to year.

Do you serve dessert, or is the assumption that it’s unnecessary on Purim?

We serve it, and nobody ever complains! We buy pareve ice cream and decorate it, or we buy a meringue dessert and decorate it. Same with platters of fruit.

Who makes the food?

We source out some of the meal to caterers — like the chicken dish and the meat dish and specialized soup — and we heat it before serving it. We have an incredible band of ladies who do quite a lot of the food preparation — the salads, the potato-vegetable, another kind of vegetable.

What do you serve on?

We have glass dishes we like to serve on. If there are a lot of people, we go out and buy plastic disposable, and we try to keep it all to a color scheme.

Are there lots of decorations?

Yes, we have a gemach we hire for our decorations — tablecloths and colored boxes. We’ve got lots of Chinese markets in Johannesburg and they sell a lot of masks, so we get a nice number and put them out on the tables.

What’s the drinking situation like?

I must say, our congregation, they’re not huge drinkers, but comes Purim and people like to have a little to drink. It’s never anyone going crazy-like, everyone is quite levelheaded about the whole thing.

What do people wear?

They wear funny things on their heads. We encourage people to do that, but not everyone wants to. Some people will dress up the whole way, the kids especially.

How do you accommodate the kids and babies? What about entertainment?

We have very few children left in our community, but grandchildren are always welcome. We try to have some kind of entertainment, a magic show, music. The smaller we’ve gotten, the lesser the entertainment has gotten. This year we’re actually joining with another synagogue for the seudah, so the entertainment should be quite nice.

Do people bring mishloach manos?

Not to the seudah. They do it privately, they go around to the houses.

Is Purim the optimal time for a get-together?

It’s not viewed as a get-together, it’s really seen as a service to the community, and it’s nice that people can be together. It’s expected at this point! People just enjoy themselves, they’re friendly, they’re happy. We live an extremely fast life — first it’s Monday, then it’s Friday, and we don’t know where the week went. This is a chance for everyone, even people who have moved away and live quite a distance, to be together on a chag.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 282)