Fake Views for the Jews from the Writers You (Shouldn’t) Trust

Challenge

Can Mishpacha’s op-ed writers pick up the pen as someone else… without AI?

Starring

JAKE TURX as YONOSON ROSENBLUM
GEDALIA GUTTENTAG as YISROEL BESSER
YITZCHOK LANDA as JAKE TURX
SHMUEL BOTNICK as GEDALIA GUTTENTAG

I

know that I don’t do this often, but allow me to come straight to the point.

This is something that I’ve said before, but I’ll say it again — with a different kneitsh, since the last version obviously didn’t get through. And if you don’t like the direct tone, forgive me because I’m not in a particularly farginning mood.

Here it is.

You may Bike4Chai, run for RCCS, or lift weights for whatever, but one particular sport is off limits: You don’t get to treat bochurim as punching bags.

Let me say that again: Even if you’re a frustrated balabos, you don’t get to criticize the next generation of bochurim. Especially not on Purim.

Not because you don’t remember what it’s like to be a bochur. My theory is that most of us have never stopped being bochurim.

Like Peter Pan.

If you’re an in-towner, you probably think that’s a type of bespoke, handcrafted pizza. Pan pizza, like deep dish.

But being from Montreal (yes, yes, oiber chochom, the place with all the snow), where we actually had to read books in grade school, let me explain that Peter Pan is a fantasy creature.

He spends a lot of time on a tropical island, jets around from one place to another, and refuses to grow up.

So, a bit like today’s balabos.