“Our pain is real. It’s not for a public forum, and definitely should not be sensationalized with flashy front-page pictures”

Freedom Is Messier [Inbox / Issue 948]

Re Martin Gruen’s inbox letter touting the high safety standards in China, he would be well-advised to remember that in the 1930s many Italians supported Benito Mussolini because during his rule “the trains ran on time.”

The rulers of Fascist and Communist countries have no trouble running the trains on time. Xi is no different.

No matter how often you visit China or how safe your daughter is walking around at midnight, if you never lived under communist rule you have no idea of the true cost of being “the safest country.”

In fact, you don’t have to live there to find out the true cost of totalitarian rule. Just say the wrong thing in public during your next trip to China and you will find yourself arrested as a Western spy.

I am sorry to read that you have bought into the Chinese propaganda about the Uyghurs. All they want to do is to practice their religion, which is a no-no in Communist countries. If you don’t believe me, talk to some refuseniks from the late, unlamented Soviet Union.

I am not pro-Islam as I say this, but the truth is the truth. Democracy and freedom of expression have a price. Countries subscribing to those ideals are often messy.

T.W.

Gershy’s Musical Gift  [EndNote / Issue 948]

In the “Endnote” segment about Gershy Schwarcz, the talented producer and recording engineer mentioned how his many friends were there to help him and guide him as he started his recording business. However, one very important detail was left out when he spoke about building up Edgware Studios.

Back in 2008, four friends and I were the first people to use the recording studio in his bedroom. Gershy created a masterful backing track for our Purim Shpiel, which raised £15,000 ($18,000) for Tomchei Shabbos of NW London. Fifteen years ago, that was a very large amount for young schoolboys.

We were so inspired to perform and do well. Gershy edited and mixed the music, making the end product extremely professional, all while looking after us in the most caring way.

However, he went the extra mile when, after Purim, I approached him and asked how much we owed him for his services. He replied that for such a wonderful cause, for Purim Shpieling there is no way he is taking payment.

Gershy was being helped by his friends but, in my humble opinion, it was because he was so modestly looking after others from the first production that came out of Edgware Studios and more.

May Gershy and his brother Duvid keep inspiring others with their music and generous gestures.

A Fellow Edgwarian

What a Job Can’t Do [Works for Me / Issue 948]

As a “feeling” person who has struggled with finding meaningful work, I was intrigued by the question presented to Shaina Keren by the burnt-out teacher and Shaina’s subsequent answer.

I’m only speculating, because I’m still in the middle of trying to figure this out myself, but one thing I’m starting to wonder is if part of the problem is trying to use a job to fulfill every need a person has in life — money, meaning, fulfillment, stimulation, etc. Can a job really do all that all the time?

Just like the age-old advice that a husband can’t fill a wife’s every need, and therefore a wife needs to find friends and other means to care for herself, can it perhaps be the same for a job? I’m starting to realize that I need to achieve crystal clarity about what I primarily want out of my work.

Even a “feeling” person can do a less meaningful job (as long as it is mostly enjoyable) if it gives them the fulfillment that they are making money towards a meaningful goal (example: to support a husband’s learning). Or sometimes if a job is easy and not totally against one’s grain, the fact that it provides a social life, reason to get dressed in the morning, and a daily schedule might outweigh the humdrum work, even for a “feeling” person (which draws many people to secretarial work).

The options Shaina mentioned for the question asker sounded exciting, like starting her own podcast or course creator, but most of those options would require learning to market oneself, which many “feeling” people detest. Plus the suggested options will take time to become profitable, which would deter those who need parnassah or even minimal consistent money from their job. They almost sound like something that would be fun and meaningful to do on the side and see which direction it goes in, while holding down the less fulfilling option.

I think people also forget that real meaning is found in our relationships, and when that is forgotten or not working out, people turn to their job to provide them with the fulfillment they crave — a losing proposition, since work can never replace relationships.

A “Feeling” Jobseeker

Sinai in Arabia [Mountain Fever / Issue 948]

I enjoyed Ari and Ari’s recent article about locating Mount Sinai, as I previously have read Rabbi Hool’s book and seen the documentary from the proponents of the Jebel Al-Lawz theory as well.

I would like to add a few points.

Although the Al-Lawz mountain is so tall that it is hard to say Chazal were referring to this when they said that Har Sinai was a low mountain, this does not mean, if we were to accept the rest of the evidence, that the mountain isn’t at least in that area. Most of Rabbi Hool’s arguments can apply to this region as well, and one won’t need to stretch the distance of how he calculates the journey from Chorev to Seir and Kaddesh, if we make it a drop closer.

In fact, the challenge Rabbi Hool presents (in his book) of Jebel Al-Lawz being too close to Midian, would depend on the debate modern scholars have concerning the exact location of Midian, as some claim it is actually closer to the mountain that Rabbi Hool favors.

It is worth mentioning that the documentary cites Josephus claiming Mount Sinai to be a very tall mountain in Arabia. Whether he got the information right or wrong does not take away from the fact that the possibility of Har Sinai being located in Arabia, and not the Sinai Peninsula, is in fact a very old tradition. (The tradition of Jebel Musa being Har Sinai simply comes from St. Catherine being impressed by it and deciding it has to be Mount Sinai, and Christians accepted that, meaning nothing for any Jew.)

Ari and Ari also mention that they have not heard of any evidence of the Red Sea crossing being in the Gulf of Aqaba. The above-mentioned documentary, however, documents how divers have found Egyptian chariot wheels in these waters. (Anyone who visited the Living Torah museum in Brooklyn surely has seen films of this.)

The claim many make that this journey would have taken three months is dealt with in the documentary as well, and based on their opinion of where the Red Sea crossing took place, the journey as mentioned in the pesukim makes perfect sense.

One final point: the article mentions the famous trait of the rocks of Har Sinai displaying a picture of a sneh, no matter where they are cut (obviously meaning that all such images are in close proximity to each other). However, this trait is not limited to Jebel Musa alone, as many think; it is rather a common natural occurrence throughout the Sinai Peninsula. I myself have rocks I got from a mountain near Eilat that have the same image no matter where they were cracked.

Thank you for such a wonderful publication.

Y.S., Lakewood, NJ

Tallest or Smallest? [Mountain Fever / Issue 948]

Thank you for your interesting article about the location of Har Sinai.

Once when I was in an Israeli cab, the driver told me that he and his army friends had hiked up Har Sinai. When I asked how he knew which mountain it was in the Sinai Desert, he answered that it was the tallest mountain there — so it obviously had to be the one.

Unfortunately, he never got the memo that “little Har Sinai just stood there and sighed. ‘I know I’m not tall. I know I’m not wide. The Torah won’t be given on me….’ ”

Ilana Orange

Hit the Nail on the Head [Voice in the Crowd / Issue 947]

I just finished reading Rabbi Besser’s “Voice in the Crowd” and I am struck by how he, as usual, hit the nail on the head.

Having been zocheh to marry off a child just over a year ago, I vividly remember the feelings he described. Would the hall be empty? Would anyone show up? And yes, I very gratefully remember those who did schlep to Lakewood to share in our simchah and the warm feelings they implanted in our hearts, even if they left early. My perspective on the value of my presence at others’ simchahs shifted, and I try to attend whenever I can. As far as my return cards go, let’s just say, there’s lots of room for improvement.

B.B., Far Rockaway, NY

One-Handed Challenge [Beyond Words / True Account – Issue 947]

I found the article about Eitan Ashman, “Beyond Words,” fascinating and validating.

I had a stroke five years ago at age 41, and I struggled with my speech for many long months. I had a good laugh at the onion experiment, as I’ve created a similar concept with my Extreme One-Handed Challenge. The game includes simple missions, but you must complete them with one hand! Ever tried putting a band-aid on your left thumb with your left hand? (Oops… not so simple!)

Inspired by my reality, the game demonstrates that whatever life throws your way, with a bit of creativity, flexibility and determination, you can overcome it. The sample game has five missions. If anyone would like to try, email me at baila@onehandedmom.com and I would be happy to send it to you.

I wish Eitan and Leora continued hatzlachah in their klal work and in Eitan’s recovery.

Beily Paluch

Davening, I Can Do [The Long Wait / Issue 945]

I have read the back and forth on the ongoing topic of the article “Splitting the Seas, Drying Tears.” One person suggested davening for the singles redt to our children, even if the answer to the shidduch is a “no.”

I humbly propose that we include the girl’s and boy’s full name, with their mother’s full name, on the résumé. That way we can all make our own lists and decide when and how long to daven for these Jewish neshamos to find their zivugim.

I thought it was a genius idea, something I could concretely do. As a mother of a boy in shidduchim, I get a few names, baruch Hashem. I hope to be able to find out their “davening names” and include them in a perek or two of Tehillim.

I’m not the greatest at matching people up, but davening, I can do. Hatzlachah to all in this search to bring shalom and shleimus to our families and lives.

Fryde Rekant, Yerushalayim/Lawrence, NY

Keep Our Pain Private [The Long Wait / Issue 945]

I am single and have been reading your magazine since it came out about 18 years ago and filled an important niche. My family and friends enjoy the enriching reading material you put together each week.

My friends and I were shocked and hurt that the front cover article three weeks ago somehow made it past your entire review team. Does not one of your staff have an older single son/daughter in shidduchim? The picture on the cover was jarring, as well as the big letters, “The Long, Lonely Wait.”

We imagine you would never dream of putting a picture of an empty swing swaying in the breeze on the front cover with the caption, “The Long, Lonely Wait” accompanied by an article delineating the four main reasons people are infertile and what we can do about it.

Singles are real people with real feelings. I have never felt so hurt. Your article was very “othering.” It hurts to see all this back and forth in the inbox letters of how to relate to “them” and why is this happening to “them” and what can we do about “it,” as if we singles never open Mishpacha and suddenly feel our situation is open sesame.

Please treat us with the same respect you would treat others in obviously difficult situations, without splashing our problems on your front page in detailed glory, and allowing one Inbox writer after the next to dissect us like a specimen under a microscope. The amount of pain this causes is serious.

Our pain is real. It’s not for a public forum, and definitely should not be sensationalized with flashy front-page pictures. Trying to help should never mean trampling on feelings.

We expect more sensitivity in this area in the future, the same way you so sensitively cover other difficult topics.

A Single Speaking on Behalf of Many Singles

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 949)