Someone sent us vitamins from the States — $314 worth to be exact. Plus $80 for shipping.

I’m not a big vitamin fan but I waited about a month to get the package though it was sent express and after deep research we discover it’s stuck in customs.

Once you hear the word customs inIsrael your heart knows it’s not going to be a simple story.

I walk in with my papers.

A nice humble-looking man with a knitted yarmulke is just changing shifts.

A short Russian man takes his place.

He struts to the back where hundreds actually thousands of packages are waiting.

He hands my papers to the man behind the window who is also Russian and finds the package.

The stockroom is very grey and eerie.

The package is brought to the window and then opened. The short Russian rips the packing slip off the side of the box reads a second slashes the box looks in and declares the goods non-receivable — it’s a business he declares.

“Wait a minute” I say “I just need one bottle out of that box.”

“Sorry” the Russian answers in a voice the color of the walls.

“But” I follow the short Russian back to his station “it’s only vitamins for my family” I say.

“But there are too many and that’s considered business.”

I go back to the Russian who’s in the process of rewrapping the box. “So what are my options?” I ask.

“You can send it back for no cost.”

“But I need to take one bottle out of there.”

“If you take anything out you have to send it back overnight express at your cost.”

“Are you joking?” I ask seriously.

He shakes his head as little as possible to indicate “no.”

Oh my gosh I’m thinking I’m in the Soviet Union.

Now I never really cared so much about vitamins but when they opened the box and I saw all those new shining bottles there — all of a sudden an overwhelming drive came over me to not let them slip away.

Whether it was the injustice of it all or the desire for vitamins I hadn’t the time to decipher.

I walked back to the short Russian who was now in his office.

“Those vitamins are not a business” I insist.

“You have 20 bottles in there” he says.

“I have ten people in my family” I respond. “If having ten people in your family is called a business then I have a business” I say.

Then he goes into a speech his hands flying in the air about should a person be able to cross at a green light or is it his responsibility to stop them?

What the green light had to do with a box of innocent vitamins I actually semi-understood. He was here to protect the country from doing business. We went back and forth for a bit then the secretary took his side yelling across the whole office.

And then he budged. “You can take them if you like if you get a stamp from the Health Ministry.”

The words “Health Ministry” are about as overwhelmingly intimidating as the word “customs.” But I said okay.

Two weeks later I go back to the customs office. The secretary is surprised to see me again.

“I got the stamp” I say.

She’s impressed. She winks at her daughter sitting next to her. “Now you have to pay 30 percent taxes.”

“What?!”

“You thought you don’t have to pay?” she says rolling on her chair to the printer.

“Send the box back” I say.

“It’ll take two and a half months to get back to the States.”

“I’ll pay” I say. I imagine the box getting lost at sea or in the big grey room in the back no one claiming responsibility.

I pay. She gives me a little discount and we smile at one another over the whole thing now that it’s over. She even wants to see what kind of vitamins were worth such a fight. I hand her a jar.

And then just before I leave she says “Maybe you know someone for my daughter? She’s already almost 20.”

You see why I loveIsrael?